Loneliness is driving me back to my ex

I’m gay and really lonely. I’ve been a chef – which can be stressful with long hours – for nearly 25 years. I live with my identical twin sister. I was bullied at school, as well as by my brother, who didn’t understand about me being gay. My dad didn’t either and wasn’t around much, though my mum has been amazing. I have suffered from OCD since school and had counselling but still get depressed. I’ve had many lesbian partners and been engaged twice, but both of those relationships broke down. My last partner stole from me and my sister. Eventually I had to break up with her as she had become abusive and made constant calls to my work. I’m so lonely that I’ve even thought about going back to her, until I remember how horrendous it was at the end. I’ve tried clubs, gyms and internet dating but haven’t met anyone. I don’t always mention my sexuality at work, as my mum and sister say I shouldn’t, but I don’t want to live a lie. What should I do? I am sorry that you feel so lonely. Your experiences of being bullied and not understood will have had a deep impact. You probably have very low self-esteem underlying the OCD, which is perhaps why you stayed with an abusive partner for so long. I think it is important to be open about your sexuality at work – if anyone is not understanding, they are not worth bothering with anyway. You have had a lot to deal with, so return to counselling to help you become stronger and hopefully ready to find a relationship with someone who is worthy of all the love you have to give. Contact LGBT Ireland (lgbt.ie, 1890 929 539) for support.