NO KIDS: ‘You just need to meet the right man’

ROSIE MULLENDER, 40, is in a long-term relationship and has no children

I’ve never wanted children. And, although I’ve never been heavily criticised for it, I’ve always been aware that people think it’s a bit odd. Even when I was in a happy eight-year relationship, friends would tell me: ‘You’ll change your mind when you meet the right man’ – not realising how offensive that was. Eventually, my boyfriend dumped me because he decided he wanted children after all. At work, a well-meaning colleague told me I’d ‘ruined my life’ and should ‘just have kids to keep him’. I was already devastated that I wasn’t enough for the man I’d planned to marry unless I provided him with babies; now I was being told I’d be miserable for life and it was my own fault.

One (male) friend even said, ‘Just “forget” to take your pill – he’ll accept it once you’re pregnant.’ He found it so weird that I didn’t want kids, he assumed the problem was the other way round and that the solution was to trap my boyfriend into fatherhood.

Wondering if there was something inherently wrong with me, I went for counselling, where a sympathetic therapist guided me through my choice. I explained that I’d never wanted children and still didn’t but, if I could take a tablet that would trigger my biological clock, I’d do it in a heartbeat. ‘You don’t want children,’ she said gently. ‘You just want your boyfriend back.’ She was right.

When it came to dating again, I discovered that being a 30-something woman who isn’t keen to reproduce put me at a disadvantage. I’d meet a man and embark on a promising relationship, only for it to end as soon as he found out I didn’t want children.

Happily, I met a man on Twitter, where I’m open about my child-free status, who is equally averse to the pram in the hall. Now we are both in our 40s, the clamour for us to have children seems to have quietened down – perhaps because, with kids of their own, everyone’s too busy to comment.