My mother-in-law constantly criticises me

I’ve never felt good enough for my mother-in-law and it’s at the point where I suffer from panic attacks and depression after she visits. I think that she is disappointed that her son married an English girl; she is Irish and always makes derogatory comments about the English. My husband never supports me, only her. When I told her I was pregnant with our first child, she said that I had ruined his dreams of moving abroad. When I became pregnant with our second child, he ignored me for three weeks and never came to any of my scans. I felt as though I was carrying the world’s most unwanted child. I begged for my mother-in-law’s support, but when she came to stay, she criticised everything I did. Then my mum became seriously ill and was in the hospital for a year. Whenever I visited her, my husband would ask, ‘Is she dead yet?’ and my mother-in-law would sulk for hours. I found out two times that my husband was planning affairs, but when I told her, she said that it was my fault and defended his actions. I am on a waiting list for counselling. Now my husband has bullied me into inviting her for Christmas, but she makes me feel ill and uncomfortable in my own home. Can I uninvite her? My husband has her on a pedestal. What shall I do? I’m afraid that you are being badly treated – not just by your bullying mother-in-law, but also by your husband. Unless he is prepared to support you more often, you should tell him how miserable she makes you feel and that you don’t want her to come for Christmas. Then ask him to tell her this. Does she have any other children she could go to? Sadly, I think that he is unlikely to listen to you. It may be that he was so dominated as a child that he cannot disagree with his mother and thinks that she can do no wrong. However, his whole attitude to you has been so uncaring, from his lack of support when you were pregnant to his callous and cruel behaviour when your mother was ill and his plans for affairs. It must make you question how much he really loves you. I think that you need to consider ending the marriage. I am glad that you are on a waiting list for counselling which will help you do this, but you also need to get good legal advice. Your local citizens advice office will help you find a solicitor.