I always push people away from me

I seem unable to have relationships that last. Could this be because my mother returned to work when I was six weeks old, which was unheard of in the 1950s? My father left home when I was 17. Then, when I got pregnant too young, I was forced to give up my baby for adoption. My marriage to my childhood sweetheart ended several years ago. Because of all this I think I may have adult attachment disorder. Most significantly, when I was seriously ill at the beginning of this year, I pushed away the most important man in my life. We had been together for three years. I think about him constantly. Adult attachment disorder is often a result of not being close enough to one or both of your parents when you were very young. It can result in you finding it difficult to trust those close to you and needing to control the lives of people around you. Sometimes, it can also result in uncontrollable anger. Our childhood experiences can and do affect how we are as adults. Sometimes, we may behave as our parents did, even if it was an unhealthy relationship. However, if we realise that we don’t want to repeat this pattern, we can make changes and behave in a much healthier way. It sounds as though you did not receive enough love and care as a child and this has damaged your self-esteem. So when you became ill, rather than letting the man you love be there for you, you felt that you did not deserve him or could not trust him, so you pushed him away. You could write to him and say that you regret ending the relationship and explain all this. Also, ask your GP to refer you for counselling to help you move on and to further explore why your other relationships have not lasted.