My daughters won’t talk to each other

I am at my wits’ end. My two daughters, both in their early 30s, are at war with each other. I divorced when they were only five and six, and I did my best to bring them up, but even when they were little they fought a lot. They now both have good jobs and are married with children. I have tried my hardest to support them but so often I am piggy in the middle. I have begged them to talk to each other to no avail. I feel that their terrible relationship is all my fault. They say dreadful things to each other and both insist that they are right. They need professional help – how can I persuade them to get it?

This must be very upsetting for you but please stop blaming yourself. Your daughters may fight but both are successful at work and happily married. You clearly love them and have done your best. Sometimes siblings are just very different. Same-sex siblings in particular can be jealous of each other and will fight whatever you do. In your longer letter, you say you have written to them, explaining how much you love them and how painful it is to see them argue. This is exactly what I would have advised. If you keep gently talking to them, I hope they will gradually start to soften towards each other. Family counselling – or individual counselling at first – could definitely help. Can you enlist the aid of their husbands? Perhaps between the three of you, you could persuade them both to go to Accord (accord.ie) or find a family therapist through the Family Therapy Association of Ireland (familytherapyireland.com).