I want to leave my husband of 40 years

I have been with my husband for more than four decades. It was OK at the beginning but we’ve had our ups and downs and now just tolerate each other. I dream of leaving but I can’t afford it. We have two grown-up children who still live at home and our house is paid for. Many years ago my husband had an affair which resulted in a son, but he came back to me. He doesn’t talk about his son and has never explained it to our children. Now I don’t know what to do. I would like to find a partner who makes me happy.

It sounds as though your love for your husband has completely died. It must have been very difficult for you all these years to know that he has a son with another woman. You will need to get some legal advice. Contact Citizens Information (citizensinformation.ie) for help finding an affordable solicitor. You don’t say how old you both are or whether either of you is still working, but you may be entitled to maintenance or a share of his pension and half of the house. This might enable you to buy somewhere smaller. It would be an upheaval for your children as they are still living at home, but I hope they would help out and want you to be happier. Do you think they could afford to leave home? Or, if there was room for them to live with you in a new house or apartment, would they contribute to their living costs? If they chose to move out, or stay with their father, would you consider taking in a lodger or working part time to help you afford to live separately? I am sorry that you have been unhappy for all these years and I hope that you manage to find a way to leave him.