She prefers his ex-wife to me

My lovely husband of seven years is planning to visit his sister in Italy, where she lives with her Italian husband and two children. They have always been very close. The problem is that she was incredibly close to his ex-wife and they are still very good friends. I have never felt accepted by her, and though he emailed her and said it would be lovely if I could come as well, I got the impression from her reply that she would rather he went on his own. I would like to go with my husband because, after staying with her, we could perhaps have a holiday together in Italy. What do you think I should do?

It is unfair of your sister-in-law to ask her brother to come to stay and not you too, but I can see that this is a difficult situation. Because she is so close to his ex-wife, she may resent you a little because, really, she wishes that her brother was still married to his ex. She may also feel guilty about being friendly towards you as she may believe that this is disloyal to your husband’s first wife. Indeed, your husband’s ex may well be influencing his sister and putting pressure on her to keep her distance from you. This may be especially true if his ex is bitter about the break-up and hasn’t moved on herself, or if he left her for you. However, his first marriage ended and he is with you now, so it is very sad for him and for you if his sister won’t accept you. I think he needs to talk to his sister about all of the above and explain that the past is the past, that he loves both her and you very much, that he would like her to give you a chance and that he really wants you to come to Italy with him. I hope that she will invite you. daughter – the groom’s mother – has taken it as a snub. How can I explain to her that I haven’t got a bottomless pit of money?

I am sure you are a loving grandmother and would really like to go with the rest of your family to your grandson’s wedding. Explain to your daughter how much you want to be there and that it is making you really sad to think you might not be able to see your lovely grandson get married. Tell her that you are very worried about the money as you struggle to live on your pension. Is there any chance that your daughter and her son or his future wife’s family could help with your costs? I am sure they would all love to have you there. Alternatively, could you cut costs by flying at a cheaper time of day or sharing a room? Do you have the kind of job where you could work extra hours for a few weeks to save up? I do hope that if your daughter knows how worried you are she will try to help or be more understanding if it is really not possible for you to go.