I can’t get my doctor to help me
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QI am a 64-year-old single woman and I have not had sex since I was 59 as it is extremely painful. I have tried lubricants but this doesn’t make a difference. I made an appointment with my GP two years ago and she just went through what the female reproductive system is for! She then said: ‘So, you’re done now.’ My boyfriend left me as I could not have sex (which I totally get). I always found having smear tests at the GP surgery so painful – and the heavy bleeding for a week afterwards very distressing – so I elected to have my most recent one in hospital. I was informed by the nurse that I have a tilted cervix and this is what has caused the pain during my other smear tests. I have also had problems with the menopause, which started when I was 52. I sleep badly and have no energy. I asked my GP if I needed HRT and she replied that I was too old. Then, earlier this year, I started getting terrible pain in my hip and I could not walk properly for about a month. I was referred by my doctor to hospital but X-rays came back negative for breaks or arthritis. My GP then told me to find a physiotherapist. Sometimes it feels as though my right leg will not hold my weight. Is this what I have to put up with now: no sex, no enthusiasm and no energy? If my GP cannot or is unwilling to help, where do I go from here?
AIt is exhausting living in pain or discomfort. Your doctor’s attitude is appalling. It reminds me of my stern biology teacher who (40 years ago) told our all-girls class of 15-year-olds ‘sex is only for having children and not something you need to get involved in before or afterwards’. You should not have to give up on a sex life at 64. Your GP should have taken your difficulties with sex seriously and realised what an impact this has had on your life. It has already cost you your relationship (which doesn’t say much for your ex-boyfriend). You are entitled to see a different doctor and get a second opinion, so do this. Also get in touch with The Menopause Hub (themenopausehub.ie) and/or the Well Woman Centre, both of which can help you talk through your menopause symptoms and possible treatment. It is not necessarily too late for HRT and it could well help with your lack of energy and enthusiasm. Ask the new GP (hopefully a more sympathetic one) for a referral to a gynaecologist for help with the pain. Be sure to also mention your cervix problems so they can offer an expert diagnosis. Do take your doctor’s advice and see a physiotherapist for your hip. If you can get help for the physical problems, you might feel well enough to be able to find love again with someone more deserving. It is important you don’t feel that your love and sex life are over at 64. They don’t have to be.
When I asked the GP if I needed HRT, she replied that I was too old
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