SHOULD I BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?

QI’m 24, in a same-sex relationship and I’ve been with my partner for six years.

We are supposed to be moving into my nan’s house in two weeks to care for her. We split up last August because he had been sending another guy flirty messages. I met someone else and was having the time of my life. Then at Christmas we got back together because I felt bad. Since then we have been getting on like normal, although every day I ask myself whether I should stay and be with someone I don’t want to marry or leave and find someone to love properly. But I’m frightened that I’d be lonely. Last week I saw on his social media he was following that guy again and now I don’t know what to do. It’s mental torture.

AI’m sorry you’re in such distress. I feel life will get easier once you have made a decision and, sadly, that should be to end the relationship. It doesn’t seem like either of you are truly committed – he is messaging someone else and you were happier without him. You returned out of guilt, but duty and loneliness are not good enough reasons. If someone is constantly wondering whether they should marry their partner, the answer is clear – no. Moving in together is a big commitment, so put it on hold. Breaking it off won’t be easy. Accord (accord.ie) can offer support or you can sometimes get free counselling via the HSE. Some organisations also provide low-cost counselling through their trainees. You’re a lovely grandson to want to care for your nan, but make sure you get support with this, too. Contact Family Carers (familycarers.ie) and Care Alliance (carealliance.ie).

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