Irish Daily Mail - YOU

She’s 40 years older… can we date?



QI am a man in my early 20s and live with my parents. Every week I drive them to a local café, where they meet friends for a catch-up. Recently, I was parking the car when one of my parents’ friends pulled up. The driver, a woman in her 60s, stopped her vehicle and as she got out her skirt rode up over her thighs to reveal amazing legs. Since then, I have been unable to get her out of my mind. I did think of asking her out for a drink, but I am too shy to do this. I also wonder what my parents would make of me being attracted to someone of their own age.

AIt is probably just as well that you didn’t ask her out because I fear this would not have had the desired outcome. She might have been flattered and declined, but she could easily have been embarrasse­d – and the awkwardnes­s of the situation might have had a detrimenta­l effect (for someone who’s shy) on your self-esteem. I think your parents, as you’ve probably guessed, would not be happy with you dating someone their age from their friendship group. The reality of a relationsh­ip – if that is what you were hoping for – with a woman 40 years older is that it would almost certainly be short-lived. You are at totally different life stages and ultimately there is little room for it to progress.

However, I think it is probably not this specific woman to whom you are really attracted, just her sexy legs and what they represent – a very natural longing for a girlfriend and a sexual relationsh­ip. As you are still living with your parents and are shy, I am guessing that you may not have had many relationsh­ips, or possibly any. That is, of course, fine in many ways as life is not a race and there’s no shame in being a virgin in your 20s. Everyone must go at their own pace and this can be a difficult age. But the lack of a girlfriend is making you unhappy. Having sexual feelings that you want to explore but can’t through lack of opportunit­y can lead to a real sense of loneliness. Particular­ly if your peers are having more success with their love lives. You may be suffering from social anxiety. So consider counsellin­g and support in order to find the confidence to make friends and ask girls out. Contact mentalheal­ or, charities which support mental health for young people. You could also join which is a digital mental health platform that gives you access to an online community of peers and counsellor­s. I think it would really help to talk all your feelings through. Perhaps in time, moving out of your parents’ home will enable you to become more independen­t. But please forget about this woman. She has obviously awakened sexual desire in you, but I think that what you really need is a girlfriend nearer your own age.

Since I saw her that day, I can’t get her out of my mind


Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Ireland