MY DAUGHTER WON’T ACCEPT MY NEW MAN

QMy husband died six years ago, leaving the family business to me and my three children. My youngest daughter sold her share to her brother and sister, who now manage the company between them. They (and their spouses) sometimes argue about the business, but mostly it’s fine. However, three years ago I met a lovely new man and we are really happy together, but my elder daughter won’t accept him. I have tried to encourage them to get on but she is cold and distant towards him. I feel like giving up. It’s affecting my relationship with my adult grandchildren and son-in-law too.

AHowever nice a step-parent is, children (even as adults) can find it hard to accept them. But it is worth considering where the conflict comes from. You say there are sometimes tensions between your two children and their partners in managing the business, but you don’t say if you have any remaining interest in the company. Maybe your daughter fears your new partner might interfere in its working either directly or indirectly through you. Or perhaps she is jealous of his role in your life. Maybe her sadness at losing her father means she would resent anyone who, in her eyes, might be taking his place. So ask her if there is any reason why she doesn’t like him and make sure you listen without springing straight to his defence. Explain that you love her and that you don’t want this conflict to spoil your special bond. However, emphasise that you love him, too, and that it makes you sad that she won’t give him a fair chance. She can’t really want you to be lonely if you have another chance at happiness.

CONTACT CAROLINE Write to Caroline West-Meads at: YOU Magazine, PO Box 5332, Dublin 2, or email c.west-meads@youmagazine.ie. Caroline reads all letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally. DON’T FORGET: BEL MOONEY’S ADVICE COLUMN APPEARS EXCLUSIVELY IN FEMAIL EVERY THURSDAY – ONLY IN THE IRISH DAILY MAIL