SHOULD I BLOCK MY ABUSIVE BROTHER?

QMy brother was spoilt as a child – now he is an angry 42year-old man with a drink problem, who is still being helped financially by my parents. I struggle for money and am a single parent, but I’ve always been independent. When he’s drunk he sends horrible emails to me or other people, many of whom he has fallen out with. He bullies my mother, who is also coping with my dad’s dementia. It is putting such a strain on us. I don’t know what to do. How can I stop him contacting me?

AYour brother is taking out his problems on you and taking advantage of your mother’s goodwill. It must be distressing. It would be difficult to block him from contacting you completely unless you took out a safety order (your local gardaí can provide information on this). However, this would be an extreme measure and might place more of the problem on your mother. You both need help to stand up to his bullying. So please contact al-anonireland.org, which supports the families and friends of problem drinkers, and the Family Support Network, fsn.ie, which can give you further advice. Your mother has clearly been browbeaten by your brother, so empowering her to say no to him will help. Try not to read his abusive emails. If he harasses you by phone or text, hang up or temporarily block him. Your brother needs help too, but I expect that you and your mum have gone down that road many times. Regarding your dad, please also contact alzheimer.ie, because your mum may need extra support.

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