I WISH THEY WOULDN’T ARGUE ALL THE TIME

QMy husband and our 17-year-old daughter keep arguing about politics, and it’s ruining their relationship. Our daughter can be quite strident and ‘woke’ and my husband clearly finds some of her opinions ridiculous. Now they are barely speaking. While I also tend to think that my daughter’s views are a bit unformed, I just wish my husband would drop the subject. I’ve tried to talk to him but he can be quite belligerent and just says that she will grow out of it. How do I keep the peace?

ASometimes people become so entrenched in wanting to ‘win’ an argument that they lose sight of the fact that continuing to attempt to force an opinion on someone else achieves nothing except bad feeling. It’s normal for young people to have quite strident views, and they will often argue them more passionately than a more mature person. Yes, she may well ‘grow out of’ some of her more extreme stances. But if your husband carries on with this pattern of behaviour, by the time she does he will have alienated his daughter completely. Ask your husband whether this is what he really wants. He doesn’t have to agree with her, but it is very important for her future growth and self-development that your daughter feels heard and doesn’t have her views disregarded. You could try initiating a discussion where each of them talks calmly for five minutes in turn, without the other interrupting, to explain why they feel so strongly about an issue. It is more important for them to gain each other’s respect than to agree with the other’s argument.

CONTACT CAROLINE Write to Caroline West-Meads at: YOU Magazine, PO Box 5332, Dublin 2, or email c.west-meads@youmagazine.ie. Caroline reads all letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally. DON’T FORGET: BEL MOONEY’S ADVICE COLUMN APPEARS EXCLUSIVELY IN FEMAIL EVERY THURSDAY – ONLY IN THE IRISH DAILY MAIL