REDUNDANCY HAS RUINED OUR FRIENDSHIP

QA few months ago, my friend was made redundant from the company where we both worked for many years. She was devastated and has since been applying for new jobs but, at 56, she has had no success. The situation has really affected our friendship. We used to meet up outside work but now she keeps making excuses. When we have got together she has been pleasant, but there is an awkwardness. I know the job wasn’t quite so critical for her financially because her husband earns well, but I think she resents me being the one who was chosen to stay. I feel guilty that she lost her job while I’m still in work – and I miss her company too. How do I approach this?

CONTACT CAROLINE

AUnfortunately, even if we don’t need the money, redundancy can come as a blow to self-esteem. She might resent you a little, but it’s more likely she feels judged as less capable than you. You probably used to chat lots about work when you met outside the office, which has now changed. Sadly, a lot of people rely on their job for a sense of personal value, whereas it is only part of our identity. Our relationships with family and friends are just as important – as are hobbies and passions. She needs time to adjust. Keep reaching out, tell her you miss her and how important she is to you. Ask whether she feels depressed (common after redundancy) and needs any help. In time, encourage her to expand her horizons. This can be a chance to study or volunteer – to do something where she, not an employer, can decide her future.