SHOULD I GET BACK TOGETHER WITH MY EX-HUSBAND?

QMy husband and I divorced ten years ago when our children were teenagers, after being together for 19 years. He was under a lot of pressure at work and had become bad-tempered, with no time for me or them. Eventually I’d had enough. He was devastated when I said I wanted a divorce but we managed to be civilised about it and are now good friends. I have often regretted leaving and wished that I’d tried harder to save our marriage. I wondered if he felt the same but he remarried a year ago after a whirlwind romance. I’ve had a couple of short relationships, but I’m single. However, a few days ago, we met for coffee and he told me his new marriage was a terrible mistake and that he still loved me. It’s completely thrown me. I want him back but it’s so complicated now.

AIt’s always sad when two people who were once in love find that external pressures drive them apart. But yes, it is complicated now. You need to approach this with caution. I know you don’t want to hurt his new wife but to be honest if he feels this strongly that this marriage has been a mistake, then the chances are he would leave her anyway. However, it is important that he doesn’t leave for you – he needs to do so because he doesn’t want to be with her, with no rose-tinted glasses about the past. But if you do decide to get back together, I would recommend that you take it slowly and perhaps have counselling before becoming too involved in order to work through what went wrong in the first place. It would help you navigate the future together as a team. Visit accord.ie.