WHY IS HE SUDDENLY A MUCH BETTER LOVER?
QI am 48 and have been married for 26 years. My husband has never been a good lover, despite his enthusiasm and high sex drive. The problem has been that he orgasms within a minute or so of intercourse. In order for our sex life to be satisfying at all, I have always been the one taking the lead – he rarely moves during lovemaking. Nothing has ever been said and, apart from this, we have had a happy marriage. We’re both fit and healthy. However, recently he has started to make love to me properly – his stamina and technique are astonishing. While this has put our sex life in the ‘amazing’ category, I can’t help but think that the reason for this turnaround is another woman. What should I do?
AUnfortunately, this sudden change in your sex life could suggest that your husband is having an affair. But before you panic, there may be alternative explanations. So first ask yourself if there are other indications of infidelity. These might include him making more effort with his appearance or wearing new aftershave, or perhaps being secretive with his phone. Have there been any practical opportunities for him to see someone else, ie, working away from home or getting back late more often? If the only change is in your sex life, it could point to an alternative. It is sad that sex has been so unfulfilling for you all these years and that neither one of you has been able to broach the subject. But he too can’t have failed to be aware that something was wrong. Although perhaps unlikely, there is the possibility that your husband could have finally found the confidence to seek treatment from his GP for premature ejaculation or be taking a performance medication such as Viagra. For your sake, I hope that he has not been having an affair. But you won’t know for certain unless you talk to him.
You could start by telling him you have noticed how much better sex is and, while that is lovely, it does make you worry about what has suddenly changed and that you fear he might be seeing someone else. If those fears are realised, of course, it will be devastating. But infidelity does not necessarily mean the end of the marriage if the affair is over and the person involved regrets the pain they have caused. However, affairs do permanently change a
He has never been good at sex. I’ve always had to take the lead
This sudden change could suggest he is having an affair
relationship. So I would strongly recommend couples counselling because if you do decide you want to stay in the marriage, you will need to look together at why the affair happened and why you’ve both found it so difficult to talk about this huge issue. If you decide to leave, then you will need support through individual counselling.