MY FRIEND’S AFFAIR IS MAKING ME ENVIOUS

QI’m a happily married 62-year-old man. Recently, one of my best friends, who’s my age, confided he was having an affair. While he said he felt a bit guilty, he was also fizzing with excitement and told me he never expected to be having such amazing sex at his time of life. I should be shocked, but actually I feel envious. I’ve been married for 30 years and love my wife, but things have become a bit routine. We have great sex, but I’m not sure it’s ever ‘amazing’. I don’t want to hurt my wife, but I can’t stop thinking about wanting that sexual passion again. I’ve started having ridiculous fantasies about a younger woman at work who is always flirting with me. How do I stop feeling this way?

APeople have affairs for many reasons – often unhappiness – and we shouldn’t rush to judge. However, there is a distinction to be drawn over ‘players’: those who have affairs because they can, with little care given for the people they hurt. I wonder if your friend falls into this category. There may be a bit of schoolboy boasting going on and perhaps his ‘amazing sex’ isn’t that different from your ‘great sex’. I suspect it is the illicit thrill of his experience that heightens the emotional intensity. So please be careful. People who have affairs may be alive with excitement at one level, but often tormented by guilt and exhausted by the need to keep it secret. They also live in fear of discovery, and if that does happen, usually find the fallout and distress hugely outweigh the excitement of the affair. So be flattered by this younger woman – we all like an ego boost – but don’t risk your marriage.