HAVE THE CHATS ABOUT FUNERALS

I spoke in these pages a few weeks ago about grief and how it can impact on different people in different ways. The article on page 28 of today’s issue is yet another way to do so, putting the fun back in funerals. I know that could sound like a strange concept to many people but as someone who comes from a family of absolute jokers who always see the funny side of everything, it’s something I can really get on board with. My beloved uncle and godfather Mick died in June 2021 and I was honoured and privileged to be asked to do his eulogy. Though we were devastated at his loss, Mick was one of the funniest people you could ever meet, the life and soul of every event he was ever at, and I knew that my words had to reflect that in some way. I had the blessing of my aunt and cousins to include as many jokes and funny stories as I wanted – it was exactly how he would have liked to be remembered. Mick was also a big lover of music so we carefully chose the songs we’d like to be played. One of his requests had been Somewhere Over The Rainbow, but the Eva Cassidy version. We thought nothing of it and passed it on to the celebrant. On the day, she hit play and we were all humming or singing along, but it seemed to go on forever. Turns out, this is an eight-minute long version of an incredibly slow song. After about five minutes we were all catching each other’s eye and giggling away to ourselves. By seven minutes in it was outright laughter and by the end we were pleading with the celebrant to press stop. We like to think it was his way of having a last laugh at us having to listen to it. A good funeral will always be an accurate reflection of the person being remembered, so if that person liked a laugh, then that needs to be a part of it. It’s not disrespectful; if anything, it’s an integral part of finalising their story. This is also why it’s so important to have conversations with loved ones about how they’d like to be remembered. I know it’s a difficult subject to address but how many funerals have you been to when you just knew it wasn’t reflective of the person who had died? If discussions have been had about the manner and tone of the funeral – and, of course, the location – this can save a lot of hassle for the family members left behind. Do it while in a big group, so it doesn’t seem as pointed as if it’s only with one person. You might actually be surprised by what some people would like. I also love the ideas of terminally ill people having a big get-together when they’re still alive – a pre-death gethering of sorts. Wouldn’t you love to hear the stories and memories that people have about you rather than them telling them after you’ve passed so you never know how much you meant to them? I suppose that’s also an important message – always let those around you know how much you love them any time you can.

Enjoy the issue.