The show must go on… and on and on
I hear Taylor Swift’s new show goes on for three hours.
That’s correct. The opening night of the ‘Eras’ tour in Arizona lasted three hours and 13 minutes: the same length as Titanic.
Do people actually want to sit through all that?
Given it was the most attended concert by a female artist in US history (watched by 70,000 fans and beating Madonna’s 1987 record of 63,000), then yes.
How do you keep people entertained for that long?
You play 44 songs from ten albums with 16 costume changes. You appear to dive into, then swim under, the stage, all while changing costume – again.
Is there any chance Madonna might try to match Swift’s staying power when she plays Europe later this year?
No news on that yet but the show is billed as an ‘artistic journey through four decades’ and that could take a while…
If music stars must play for hours, can’t they start earlier?
That’s exactly what Jamie Lee Curtis thinks. The 64-year-old actress has used the publicity in the run up to her recent Oscars win to let it be known that she would prefer some lunch rock.
Who is JLC lobbying?
‘I’m not gonna go see Coldplay if they start their show at nine o’clock and there’s an opening act. I want to hear Coldplay at 1pm.’
Go Jamie! Maybe, until she gets that up and running, I should stick to the theatre.
Then book with caution. The newly opened A Little Life (at London’s Harold Pinter Theatre, starring Happy Valley’s James
Norton) has been noted both for its remorseless misery and its relentless length.
Relentless length?
Three hours and 40 minutes.
All I can say is I hope Harold Pinter has comfy seats.
At the time of going to press there were still a limited number of standing tickets available. Yours for £10.
Do the ticket sites warn potential punters about the endurance feat they are about to face?
No, one just specifies you must be over 16 and not ‘easily offended’.
I’d add ‘or arthritic’ to that.
Well count yourself lucky that you weren’t at rapper
Chris Brown’s O2 gig in February.
Don’t tell me – he was inspired by Wagner’s Ring Cycle (a 15-hour, four-operalong beast).
Not quite, but he did manage 50 songs.
Was it as well received as Swift’s performance?
Sadly not. The show happened to fall on Valentine’s Day but the star’s opening remarks didn’t quite strike the hoped-for note of romance.
What did he say?
He told the men in the audience that it was likely they would ‘get some p **** at this concert…’
JLC wouldn’t have stood for that!
True, but she can be equally blunt when she feels the occasion demands it.
So who else has she been ranting about?
The Boss, AKA Bruce Springsteen.
What has Brucie done?
He will be playing in Ireland this summer, and he has got previous in the extremely long gig
department.
How long are we talking?
At one concert in Helsinki he went on for four hours and six minutes.
Why does he put himself through it? The man’s 73!
Which is precisely what JLC said… just not in those words.
What were her words?
‘Do a f**king matinee! You’re old!’
‘DO A MATINEE!’ JAMIE LEE CURTIS ADVISED BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. ‘YOU’RE OLD!’
I wonder if Bruce will take heed.
Doubtful, given he once told a podcast: ‘We screwed the whole thing up by playing too f**king long – now I have to do it.’
Poor man: he’s really stuck on the hamster wheel.
Well, that’s what happens when you’re born to run… and run… and run.