No Satisfaction as Gilmore swerves in a straight line

HOW to describe yesterday’s disappointment in the Dáíl in showbusiness terms?

The nearest thing I can liken it to is going to a Rolling Stones gig and realising Mick and Keef have the night off.

But you pays your money and you takes your chances.

As the first Leaders’ Questions session of the week began, there was neither sight nor sound of Phil Hogan or Olivia Mitchell.

That isn’t all the pair have in common, of course, given that they both have quite a lot on their respective plates.

With the coquettish Olivia feeling the heat over the Mahon Tribunal report, she could have been excused for popping out to get her hair done and mascara touched up just in case she’s called in at short notice to explain herself to an internal party investigation.

Meanwhile, no one would have been surprised to hear that Mr Hogan was at Louis Fáil leader Micheál Martin noted the minister was ‘not making it easy for people to pay this household charge’, before adding: ‘Big Phil is intent on marching on.’

And so it continued. Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams stayed on the household charge theme but didn’t make any progress.

Come to think of it, the only notable thing about this part of the proceedings was the way Fine Gael old-stager Dinny Mcginley whipped himself up into near apoplexy as he demanded to know how much Mr Adams pays in household charges in the North.

Mr Mcginley, who turns 7 next month, ought to calm down before he does himself a mischief. Yet it seems to be a growing trend on the FG benches for one ageing TD to spit bile at the Opposition on any given day.

The role is usually filled by Bernard Durkan, also 7, who huffs and puffs himself into a semi-coherent state with alarming fre- quency. The neatest trick of the day, though, came from Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore, who was in the hot seat in the Taoiseach’s absence.

When Joe Higgins introduced yet another question about the household levy with a brief mention of the Mahon inquiry, the Tánaiste performed a neat body-swerve around the question and spent practically all the time talking about the tribunal report.

Only at the end did Mr Gilmore swing it around by accusing the Socialist TD of scaremongering over the likely increases when a full property tax is introduced.

‘If there is a parallel to be drawn,’ said Mr Gilmore of the Mahon report and the household charge row, ‘then it is that public representatives need to be straight with the public.’

Perfectly meaningless, of course, in the greater scheme of things. But quite clever by Dáil standards, nonetheless.