Why a man in cowboy boots should just never be trusted

THAT the female of the species is, ahem, fond of footwear is well documented. Of course, not all women go weak at the knees at the sight of a pair of D&G crystal-embellished satin pumps (recommended retail price, €2,600) but certainly a sizeable percentage suffer from shoe subordination. What a pity more men can’t get it right. While most manage to look half decent at work, the moment they step out of the office they have no idea what to place on their hot, hairy hooves. Why look! It’s a grown, non-gym going man in ten-year-old runners — is he trying to be rebellious, perhaps? Then there’s the gentleman who insists on teaming his office shoes with jeans — something of an Irish lad speciality, sadly. And any man who wears ropefestooned deck shoes without a yacht or cowboy boots without a steed should be treated with an air of suspicion. The first rule when it comes to a man’s shoe is that it must have a leather sole: this will ensure feet don’t sweat. You must also only wear a pair for one day: they must then be rested, allowing the sweat to evaporate, having first inserted a shoe tree to preserve the shape. And, please, invest in a shoe-polishing kit. According to Mr Porter, the retail website for stylish men, loafers are fine worn with single-breasted suits for work and at weekends with jeans or rolled-up chinos, while Oxfords (a streamlined laceup, not riddled with holes like the brogue) should be worn with a dinner jacket, or to a wedding. Brogues should be worn with a suit at the office, but Mr Porter also says a brown pair of brogues is perfect teamed with jeans. Frankly, most women would be happy just to get their man out of the dire socks-andsandals combo: this unseasonably warm weather has done terrible things to mankind.