Make fathers take paternity leave: they’ll be far happier, and it will end discrimination

WHETHER it is Brian O’Driscoll on the Aviva pitch on Saturday, or Simon Cowell on a Miami beach last month, there’s something disarming about the sight of a man cuddling his child.

There’s something about the sight of a big strong man, especially when he is known to be tough or fearless or uncompromising, reduced to a helpless blob of putty by a tiny baby. And doting dads have a special way of looking at an infant, as if they can’t quite figure out how this person came to be the boss of them, instantly and forever, without even trying.

It’s a little like the way North Koreans are obliged to gaze upon Kim Jong-un, if they want to avoid being fed to packs of savage dogs, except with new fathers it’s the real thing – a mixture of awe and bewilderment and undying devotion to the tiny tyrant who has taken over their world.

Before his son Eric was born, Cowell said, he worried that ‘I might like my dogs better than the baby’. He was probably only half-joking – psychologists say men are often overwhelmed by the intensity of their love for a new baby. While mothers have nine months to bond with the imminent arrival, and to acclimatise emotionally to the unconditional love it will inspire, fathers are frequently unprepared for how deeply they will feel for their offspring. And, however much they might have assured their mates that they won’t be changing any nappies or pacing any bedroom carpets in the wee small hours, they are often floored by the strength of their instinct to protect and care for their child.

Simon Cowell, the arrogant old know-it-all, certainly was, and even for BOD you could see his last match on Irish soil was never going to be the heavy-hearted occasion he might once have imagined, now that his little girl was there to share it, and to enrich the free time he can now enjoy.

AND yet we have designed our childcare models, from birth onwards, to deny fathers the chance to act on that powerful instinct. We encourage them to be present at their children’s births, we marvel at how the baby looks just like Daddy, we compliment them on their mastery in cutting the umbilical cord (without fainting) and congratulate them at having their hands squeezed, but in reality that’s little more than lip service to the paternal role.

Once we’ve patted them on the heads and told them they did great, women shoo their men away from the cradle and back out into the real world, and we seize the trials and the joys of childcare for ourselves.

Then, a few years down the line, we grumble that we’re the ones who must take a day off to tend a sick child, or leave early to go to a parent-teacher meeting, or impair our career prospects by skipping after- work drinks to oversee homework. It’s always struck me as deeply unfair, and even discriminatory, that the paid leave following the arrival of a new baby is available exclusively to the mother. Once a woman has recovered physically from the birth, usually within a month, the remaining 22 weeks of her work leave are all about caring for and bonding with the new baby. Why, when you think about it, should that privilege be hers alone? If a father wants to take a month, or three, out of his career to stay home with a newborn, why do we have laws that stop him?

Shouldn’t it be possible, and arguably even compulsory, for fathers to spend time caring for their babies too? According to reports at the weekend, the Government is considering new legislation that would allow mothers to ‘gift’ a fortnight of their maternity leave to their partners. It’s a start, maybe, but look at how reductive that language is, look at how it presumes a possessive role on the part of one parent and a supplicant’s position for the other: The mother may ‘gift’ time with their child to the father if he asks nicely – how fair is that?

The ‘gifting’ of a miserable fortnight is, says Junior Justice Minister Kathleen Lynch, one of a number of proposals being considered. Another is a system that would allow parents to ‘step in and out’ of leave, according to what suited them, although she concedes that would be an organi sational nightmare f or t he Department of Social Protection.

They’re looking to other countries, including the UK where fathers can share up to 26 weeks of the mother’s leave, for inspiration and example. But instead of following our neighbours’ lead, we have an opportunity for a truly creative solution to the professional and domestic inequalities that childcare duties impose.

Just as we led the way with other initiatives – the plastic bag tax, outlawing smoking in pubs – we could devise a scheme that would bring real fairness to the issue: Why not make it compulsory for all fathers to take at least two months’ paternity leave, on the same terms as mothers now enjoy? The National Women’s Council opposes even the twoweek ‘gift’ proposal, arguing it would be hard on breastfeeding mothers but, if they’re planning to return to work, that’s a bridge they’re all going to have to cross eventually. And surely any inconvenience would be a small price to pay for a partner who was fully engaged with the new baby, and as capable and as committed as the mother?

THE benefits of a compulsory‘ paternity leave’ period are obvious – workplace discrimination against young women, by employers fearing they’ll vanish on prolonged maternity leave, would be dramatically reduced, for a start.

Hiring decisions would be made on merit and not gender, in future, if bosses knew the male candidate would be just as likely to take parental leave. An equal division of childcare would inevitably lead to a greater sharing of domestic chores, too.

And the father’s relationship with his partner would benefit – divorce, a recent survey found, is less likely in families where the woman is the biggest earner and the man, as a consequence, is more involved with his children.

The biggest winners, though, would be those children and their dads. If they had no choice but to step off the career ladder and into the coalface of childcare for a couple of months, even the most reluctant stay-at-home fathers would find their lives and priorities transformed, and their most important relationships enhanced beyond measure. For that alone, it has to be worth a try.