JONATHAN CAINER

DEAR JONATHAN, May I add to comments about Ceres, the asteroid that has been promoted to a dwarf planet? If it is now as important as Pluto, and astrologers still see Pluto as the ruler of Scorpio, Ceres could also ‘rule’ a zodiac sign. Presumably, it would best suit Virgo, sign of the harvest goddess. Virgo and Gemini are both ruled by Mercury. It has always bothered me that two such different signs shared one ruler. John

DEAR JOHN, These and similar ideas are gaining momentum among the international community of astrologers. They may yet gain traction.

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 BEFORE going into battle, ensure that you have plenty of weaponry and armour. A strategic overview of a campaign is also helpful. A good general wants to know that their troops enjoy every possible advantage. In the absence of this, other options include firing up the army with fury and outrage so that they fight like demons against a far greater number of marauding hordes, consider the possibility of a peace treaty or form an alliance of some kind. A showdown can be avoided. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 ‘LIVING in the material world, and I am a material girl.’ So sang Madonna, but was she telling the truth? This may, indeed, be a material world and we are all material beings. But there are some who would argue that the very act of acknowledging our needs and limitations is, in itself, a demonstration of conscious awareness — and that this, ipso facto, is a facility attainable only by the spiritually evolved. Your journey may be taking you past a quagmire, but that doesn’t mean you have to jump right into it. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 SHERLOCK Holmes had an impressive eye for detail. He would pay attention to one or two clues then extrapolate the information that these might offer until he had formulated an entire theory. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a master storyteller, but his tales might have been more convincing if he had allowed his hero to make mistakes more often. You have all the pieces you need to form a clear, helpful picture. But they may also form a misleading image if wrongly assembled. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

CANCER June 23 — July 23 ‘BEAUTY,’ they say, ‘is in the eye of the beholder.’ That may be true, but is not beauty also in the eyes of the beholden? When someone sparkles, when they shine, when their eyes glow with an inner light, how can others resist feeling drawn to them? And does not that natural charm have its own influence on the way in which others perceive the person who is emanating it? What is making you so attractive is not what you look like, but how you are being. That is powerful. Use it responsibly! Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 A TECHNICAL question: what is the difference between Murphy’s Law and Sod’s Law? The former states: ‘If anything can go wrong, it will.’ And the latter is less delicately defined, just as it is less politely named. It effectively says all that is in Murphy’s Law, with the caveat ‘and if a bad thing is going to happen to anyone, it is going to happen to you’. Happily, Murphy’s Law is not universally applicable. And as for the other law, well, it can live up to its name as it goes off in another direction. All will be OK. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 YESTERDAY, by way of analogy, I spoke about the difference between tea taken with sugar — or without. Some like it one way, others another. Who (other than a dentist or a nutritionist) has the right to say which is best? My point was (and is) that a very small addition or omission can sometimes make an enormous, perceived difference. Ah, but what if your challenge involves trying to take the sugar out of a hot beverage into which it has already been added? But it doesn’t. Worst case, you can start afresh. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611. LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 ‘TRY to avoid stress.’ That’s what people say, especially if they fear that their friends and family have a delicate constitution that might incur damage through anxiety. Yet they carry on in much the same old way, creating just the same dramas, acting out similar arguments and generally contributing to one another’s stress levels, just as they ever did. It isn’t always easy to lead a relaxed life and nothing can be more irritating than the suggestion that this is what you need to do. But really, you do! Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 CLICK here to confirm you have read the terms and conditions and agreed to them. Millions, worldwide, do this every day. And how many of them truthfully scour all that small print? This technological world of ours is built upon a tissue of lies. We face a system so bloated that we have no option other than to learn how to beat it and cheat it. Are you now wrestling with an issue that requires you to display integrity, even where everyone else is showing stupidity? Don’t compromise too far. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 WHO wants to lead an ordinary life? Who seeks the comfort of conformity and predictability? And who far prefers to be clinging to the roof of a rolling railway carriage while aiming a crossbow at some distant target? Well, OK. You prefer this only if you actually hit the bullseye. But then, once in a while, even though the odds are against you, you pluck rabbits from hats, doves from handkerchiefs and victories from apparent failures. As now, for example. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 YOU don’t like circumstances that seem unjust or unfair. You go to great lengths to right wrongs and redress imbalances. Even when you aren’t successful, you derive some satisfaction from knowing that you have tried your best and reached for the highest possible standard. Current circumstances seem frustrating, even exasperating. How are you supposed just to turn a blind eye to the unacceptable? You aren’t. You are supposed to conquer it. And you will. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 THEY say you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. But you can decide that you don’t actually want to eat an omelette. You have options available to you now. You are under no obligation to pursue the most drastic and dramatic. You will get no Brownie points for bravado. You will lose no face for following a more cautious path. A change of diet may be good at many levels. Have the courage to question convention and life may yet get a whole lot easier. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.

PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 PEOPLE who feel too sure of themselves often end up in situations that test their strength. But then, so, too, do the folk who overindulge their uncertainty. You face a challenge that must be risen to. You can strive to find facts and assess a situation rationally, but you will still be short of an answer you can rely on. Like an old-fashioned pinball machine, a game you are playing now responds to gentle nudges and sudden moves that are inspired and intuitive. To make these, you must summon some self-belief. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 1550 511 611.