JONATHAN CAINER

Dear Jonathan, if I were a doctor, writing a prescription for a patient, I’d surely need to have knowledge of the workings of the body so I knew what I was doing. If, as you claimed, you don’t understand the mechanical principle by which astrology works, how can you write astrological prescriptions? You could be leading others into a state of delusion. Jon

Dear Jon, I have always suspected that among the International Community of the Deluded, the highest echelon of membership is probably awarded to those who insist that they do not belong!

ARIES

Mar 21 — Apr 20

ALL week, you have dealt with a tricky issue. You’re still far from happy about how a situation developed and why it can’t be rectified. You may wonder whether it is better for your health to keep a lid on your anger. If there is nothing you can do, what is the point in fostering resentment? Perhaps you are tempted to use this as an excuse? ‘If someone else thinks that bad thing is OK, perhaps it is OK to do something else bad?’ But it isn’t. And you may be able to put right what’s wrong. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

TAURUS

Apr 21 — May 21

ONE moment, nothing. The next, everything. When does that ever happen? Only in our dreams? What about when we turn the key in an engine or set out on a walk? Even to the most humble lives come moments of opportunity, chances to make a snap decision that will impact on at least some aspect of the future. The choices before you today may not seem especially grand or dramatic. But nor are they as minor and mundane as you may fear. Seize a moment and you will yet make it a magic moment. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

GEMINI

May 22 — June 22

WE all see the world differently. Yet we are taught, from an early age, to comply and conform. Our idiosyncrasies bring us reprimands. Our expressions of individuality often lead us into some kind of confrontation with authority figures. Thus, sooner or later, we repress the most interesting aspects of our personalities and grow bland and colourless, like so many round us. Yet deep within you lives the spirit of an adventurer, an explorer and an innovator. It may be tricky to hold that back today! I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

CANCER

June 23 — July 23

DO Cancerians make the world go round? Perhaps that is too grand a claim. The world might well continue to spin on its axis, even if none of its inhabitants were born in the month that follows the June Solstice. But could we really call it a place worth living in? Would it not lack some of the kindest, most compassionate and considerate characters, without whose contribution existence would be less rich and meaningful? These are big words for someone with a small ego. But you deserve to hear them today. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

LEO

July 24 — Aug 23

THERE are cliched comments that some astrologers make about each sign and few are true. Why are those ideas never debunked or dismissed? Perhaps because those born under the maligned sign find it mildly amusing to keep the legend alive. Leos, for example, are not more outrageously extrovert than many others born at different times of the year. Many are shy. All are discreet, diplomatic and dignified. Still, most find it funny to be thought of in this way. Today’s events will help you confirm that myth. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

VIRGO

Aug 24 — Sep 23

MAGICIANS! Who needs them? If they were really any good, they would be pulling top hats out of rabbits and fishing out brightly coloured silk handkerchiefs from doves. And instead of trying but failing to saw the lady in half, they’d bring her on stage in two pieces and stitch her back together again. Ah, but such tricks would offend our sensibilities. Is that perhaps why we never see them? Might it be that where you suspect you can see something you can’t really be seeing, this is because of what you want to see? I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

LIBRA

Sep 24 — Oct 23

‘IT IS in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned . . .’ So goes the last line of a prayer, much loved by Mother Teresa and Mrs Thatcher. The words are often attributed to St Francis of Assisi, who lived from around 1181 to 1226. Yet, historians can find no proof of this prayer’s existence until it appeared in a French magazine in 1912. Perhaps it is a hoax. But we can be pardoned for pardoning the perpetrator, for it expresses a fine sentiment. Don’t confuse accuracy with veracity today. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

SCORPIO

Oct 24 — Nov 22

AS children, we all play ‘Let’s Pretend’. As adults, we continue, but we add a variation. It becomes ‘Let’s Pretend That We Are Not Playing Let’s Pretend!’ Indeed, as that name is almost too revealing, we call it ‘Serious! The Game In Which Any Suggestion That A Game Is Being Played Is Unacceptable’. We treat all the imaginary rules as sacrosanct and see ourselves as inextricably bound by them. But if you seek freedom and success, the real name of the game is to see beyond the false one! I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 23 — Dec 21

DO you know what’s real and what’s true? You may wish to be careful about how you answer such a question. There are many who would say that the only thing that’s ‘real and true’ about the world in which we live is that far less of it is as real or as true as we are inclined to believe. We take too much too seriously and at face value. Just as we do not always correctly anticipate an imminent change of season, we assume ‘that which is’ inevitably represents ‘that which will be’. Be open to better news today. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

CAPRICORN

Dec 22 — Jan 20

ONCE, you were sure of some things and uncertain of others. As you addressed those doubts, gaining insight, you felt less confident about what you once considered to be beyond all question. Has there been some fundamental flaw in your educational process? Have the tutors at The University of Life made an error in the curriculum? Or have you simply learned about an interesting exception to a rule? Where that rule does not apply, all is as it was — unless you can see a way to apply that rule! I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

AQUARIUS

Jan 21 — Feb 19

WE all know the damage that can be done through a fear of failure. We understand that fulfilling our human potential involves overcoming this. Observed less often, yet as insidious, is fear of success. There may be deep-rooted reasons for such a psychological malaise. We may fear turning into a tall poppy will make us an easy target. Or we may so dread disappointment that we’d rather never make a gain than make one, then lose it. But you need not fear the success you are soon to enjoy. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week-ahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.

PISCES

Feb 20 — Mar 20

YOU are a very important person and surely deserve the best. So what if they send a limousine to pick you up and, once the uniformed chauffeur has opened the door and ushered you in, you discover your seat is not heated? Or that the drinks cabinet contains only still water, not sparkling? Does this detract from the sense of prestige? Might it be enough to make you think twice about attending the important meeting to which you were being driven? Don’t read too much into what’s only a minor detail today. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest weekahead forecast is ready. Call 1550 511 611.