You better cough up, ‘cos I need a loan...
ANGRY social media talks about throwing Greece not just out of the euro, but also Eurovision too. That would be a mistake. Animal can reveal that leader of the pack Alexis Cheap-rate is prepared to personally sing at the next contest in order to mitigate the cost of fripperies.
If they give him the money, he will sing the national song in order to Grease the wheels of international goodwill.
So here he is, hair slicked back, channelling an olivey new-tone song… Listen up, you other countries: ‘I got bills – they’re multiplying. And I’m loooo-sing control...’
He winks at the camera, and his diamond ring flashes as he grips the microphone.
‘Cause the money/you’re supplying… It’s debt-defying!’
Next verse: ‘You better cough up – cause I need a loan. And my debt is set on you…
‘You better cough up. You better understand – to my banks I must be true. Nothing left! Nothing left for us to do…’ (Ready, folks? Here we go, here comes the big Greek chorus): ‘You’re the loan that I want! Oo- oo- oo, money! The one that I want, oo-oo-oo, money – The one I need, Oh, yes, indeed.’
But he does not have it all his own way.
Suddenly it is a duet, with Mario Draghi, governor of the European Central Bank telling him, in his characteristic Italian accent, to change the record: ‘Wella, wella, wella – tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far? With your last loan commitments, like get tax up to par?
‘Wella, wella, wella – tell me more, tell me more, did you get your sums right? To pull in more, pull in more, or do you just want to fight?’
Mr Cheap-rate will not be turned aside by such terrorism. He is now singing off a hymn sheet nobody else is on: ‘I solve my problems and I see the light. You gotta lending thing – we gotta take it all right. There ain’t no danger, we can go too far. We start believing now, that we can be as you are. Greece owes the world.’
He expands on this: ‘Greece owes the world. It’s the news, it’s got meaning. Greece is the pain you are feeling.’ He smiles, finishes, and takes a bowl (Er, takes a bow).
Summit days, drifting away. But oh-oh, those summit ni-ii-ights!