I find myself single. But I have a full life with my boys and job
A renowned womaniser and hellraiser, Colin Farrell has calmed down - and ruminates about love, life and a TV role that could redefine his career
ALTHOUGH he’s lived in Los Angeles for more than 15 years and burnt up the town with his antics for about half of that, these days Colin Farrell lives in a different kind of bubble. He’s been single for five years, sober for eight, and he rarely goes out, except to go to work. His main topics of conversation are yoga and fatherhood. He still works pretty consistently, not always making the best critical choices but he’s now seen as dependable, even if his glory days are past.
He is at great pains to say he doesn’t mind not being in a relationship, but it’s a topic that he keeps coming back to again and again, making it very clear that the topic appears to be very much on his mind, however much he insists it’s not the case.
‘I just find myself single. There’s no reason or intention behind it. I’m not fighting it or trying to stay away from love, but neither am I running towards it. I’m not in any rush to get married. I’m lucky to have a very full life with my two boys and my friendships and work.
‘Love is inevitably pain, but it’s also many other things — or it wouldn’t be worth our while exploring. We seem genetically preconditioned to search for it all our lives because we’ve been told it holds so many of life’s worthy joys, and it does. The expression of joy, the expression of tenderness, of kindness, of true kinship is something that always exists and is something that love is built on. I understand people living in fear of love because it can equate to pain and suffering — it is kind of the terrain of the heart.
‘The Greeks mention that there are different kinds of love and the Greeks are smart. They classified love into platonic, filial and Eros, and there are different textures of love, from father to son and husband to wife, friend to friend or lover to lover. It’s all one and the same thing — it’s the heart’s expression reaching to understand itself in the best form that it’s dreamed of being.
‘The idea that you would love someone because they have qualities is a new concept to me. Just in regard to accepting the responsibility of what that means in your life and having some modicum of awareness in regard to the people you align yourself with in your life. There’s nobody that I have in mind to walk down the aisle with. There’s nobody and I’m in no rush.
‘I just haven’t met anyone. I don’t go out much. I’m not in bars and clubs. I don’t meet an enormous amount of people. I just find myself single and there’s no reason or intention behind it. I am not fighting it or trying to stay away from it. I’m kind of okay with it. It’s wonderful and I do believe in marriage and companionship, but I don’t believe these things are for everybody. I don’t believe we’re meant to live alone, but I’m very seldom alone. I don’t mean to sound smug, but my life is incredibly rich with my friends, family and stuff. Whenever I get an opportunity to share my life with someone, that’ll be cool and until then I’m fine.’
Most of the Farrells live in Los Angeles now, with the exception of Colin’s dad and brother. They’ve always been a close family, and he says his two sisters and his mother pitched in when he spent five months filming the second season of True Detective.
‘The work on this show is pretty dark, and usually I’m shooting in Atlanta or Philly and you miss your family badly. Like everyone, we use Facetime and Skype to keep in touch. But there’s also the luxury of being away and just focusing on the work. I was a bit nervous about working in LA with two small boys, two different schools, nannies etc. It takes a village to raise a child and my mother was very helpful and my sisters, but I had to draw a line in the sand with this show to put a dividing line between work and home.’
Despite the incredible work which has been screened on television in recent years, Colin has no problem admitting that he has never watched one single episode of The Sopranos, nor of Breaking Bad, nor The Wire, not even Game of Thrones.
‘I respect what a turning point the Sopranos was for television, but I’ve never seen an episode. I watch The Biggest Loser sometimes to see how much weight the contestants have lost, but there’s something about a drama
‘I haven’t met anyone. I don’t go out much’
that takes eight weeks to unfold and that maintains and sustains over this time. I’m kind of envious when I hear people talk about Game of Thrones and stuff. I can feel from them what it must be like to live in the excitement having that as a companion in your life for five years. It’s an amazing thing.’ The jury is still out on the second season of True Detective, and audiences are undecided whether it is still something original or a retread of the first one, just set in a different city.
Although he works regularly, Colin has not enjoyed consistently good reviews, particularly in recent years, so he’s very sensitive and trying to adjust to the different cycle of working on a series as opposed to a one-off feature film. ‘If I wasn’t in the show, I would be comparing it to the first year. If I was a fan, there’s no doubt I would compare it. Comparisons are inevitable and we live in a world of them, so it doesn’t bother me, as long as people are watching. I’m not used to the eightweek roll out of a show. I’m used to a film either succeeding or dying on the first night. You know, you get that call at nine o’clock on a Friday night and a couple of times for me, it hasn’t been so pretty. So having something that takes eight weeks to become the full version of itself, it defies knee jerk reaction. It’s astonishing.’
Unlike many of his celebrity colleagues with time on their hands, Colin has never embraced social, political or environmental causes or charities. He did lend his voice to the Irish referendum in May and spoke touchingly about the abuse his gay brother endured as a teenager in Dublin.
He is clear that he doesn’t want to have any more children, either.
‘Time is just the opportunity to get more things wrong! On Father’s Day, I was getting texts from fathers and I sent texts to fathers and it was pleasant to do that. Everyone was asking me if I was with my kids and I was going “No, I was with them two days ago. I’ll see them tomorrow.” Do I want to expand the family? Absolutely not. They’ll expand themselves by virtue of growth. Fatherhood will always be an important part of who I am and it’s something that makes sense to me.’
For now, his passions r emain exercise, yoga in particular, being around f amily and fr i ends and going to work. ‘I hate treadmills and I hate lifting weights and all that, but my mind really enjoys yoga. My body enjoys it. I just had to go on a diet and cut down on the calories for eight weeks and that was hard. The definition of hard is funny when you turn on the news, but I was pissed off and grumpy and really starving, really hungry for eight weeks, but at the end, it was all fine and that was it.’
And despite his wealth and success, Colin maintains an ambivalent attitude to fame and the attitudes of others towards celebrity.
‘I’ve never been able to see how a person’s worth could be judged by what they do. I could see how part of a person’s worth could be judged by how they apply themselves to the thing that they do, but even if a million people are entertained, I don’t see how the life of a movie star versus the life of someone who sweeps the streets in the mornings is valued more highly.’
‘I swear to God, I’m not trying to just say the right thing. Entertainment is important, but the fundamental essence of life and the inherent potential that each person has and the opportunities they get, I don’t think acting is more important than any other profession. There are so many elements of good fortune, whether it’s birth and opportunity, and there go I but for the grace of either God or evolution or chance, in so many other directions.
‘I only really deal with “fame” a couple of times a year, at a film festival or a premiere or something, but outside of that hardly at all. I feel like I have my own version of understanding of the mechanisms of fame and what the negatives are and what the positives can be. A lot of things do allow you to make of them what they will be in your life by the perspective you have chosen to bring to them. I mean there can be ugliness to fame and it can inspire desperation i n people. I’ve seen photographers knock more mature women on the ground. I’ve seen photographers back themselves into prams with six month old infants. It’s mental.’
And while the jury may be out on True Detective, Colin makes it clear that he knows exactly who he is — and where he is at this point in his life.
‘Do I want to expand the family? No.’