Shooting from the hipster... it’s Stuart’s little brother
THERE are a number of reasons why I am sorry to see the back of Exiles. One of them is that it has been serving as a weekly reminder to thank my lucky stars that I’m not a vacuous, self- obsessed twenty-something.
The final instalment began with the group of émigrés sitting around the kitchen table in the luxury Vancouver home they’ve been sharing for the previous four months.
I think that it is fair to say that they were in philosophical mode.
So we got the benefit of their shallow insights on topics as diverse as fear of failure, integrating in Canadian society, being pigeon-holed in Irish society, fame and fortune, alcohol, having fun and the social benefits of being in a yoga group.
That last contribution came from Dylan Townsend, who has been the undoubted star of the show. Unfortunately, he has achieved that distinction for all the wrong reasons.
You may recall that Dylan – who I suspect is probably more of a thirty-something – is the brother of Hollywood actor Stuart Townsend.
Dylan has big plans in that general department as well. Describing himself as a film-maker and author, he’s been trying to make a web-based series about hipsters.
At the outset, he explained that he envisioned it as ‘ more like a National Geographic’ type of project.
His plan was to do the writing, producing and directing himself, as well as presumably singing the theme tune too.
He’s the kind of chap who sounds like he is name-dropping all the time, even when he doesn’t actually have any names to drop. ‘I always feel a bit blessed,’ he smugly declared during the kitchen table debate. ‘I met a lot of really cool, fun actors.’
Rest assured that if there was a remote chance we might have actually heard of any of them, he’d have told us who they were.
I suppose I ought to mention some of the other stuff that happened as the series drew to a close.
One of the housemates put on a theatre show that seemed to be well received and another staged a photographic exhibition that also went down well.
The only other that really struck me was the way that two of the girls spoke with middle- class Dublin accents that were so plummy as to be unintelligible at times. Nothing unusual in that, of course, except for the fact that one of them is actually from Co Wexford.
To be honest, though, I really only had ears for the preening Dylan. He is really quite a remarkable character: pretentious, self- satisfied, completely and utterly vain.
I know there’s been no shortage of ridiculous individuals on Irish television screens down through the years, but try as I might, I can’t think of anyone quite as ludicrous as him.
Not only does he come out with trite and meaningless observations, he also delivers them slowly in what is presumably an effort to make them sound profound.
Here’s one particular gem: ‘From the first week I got here, I had a vision and it’s actually come true.’
And another: ‘This experience opened up a part of me – and me seeing that part of me and saying “That’s where I want to go”. I just hope I can continue on that path.’
But my favourite is this one: ‘I don’t know how to self-perceive myself at this stage. I think that’ll happen when I digest what has happened, after I leave here for a while.’
What a man. As the closing cred- its rolled, we learned that Dylan is developing Hipsterverse – yes, that’s what it is called – for American television and is ‘in preproduction’ on a feature film.
He is also planning to bring out a book in the coming months. Trust me, I’ll queue overnight outside Hodges Figgis whenever that is published.