Now, ready, aim, wobble
QUESTION
In the Poirot TV series episode The Incredible Theft, Captain Hastings tells Poirot an amusing tale about Inspector Japp in which Japp says: ‘Watch out, lads, he’s got a blancmange,’ meaning a gun. What is the origin of this expression? THE roles of Captain Hastings and Inspector Japp were exaggerated in Agatha Christie’s Poirot, where these characters are often introduced into stories that did not originally feature them. The Incredible Theft was a case in point.
While Capt. Hastings did feature in The Submarine Plans, a short sketch of a story by Christie, by the time it was rewritten as The Incredible Theft, featuring stolen aircraft ( rather than submarine) plans, Hastings had been omitted. Japp does not feature in the story.
The 1989 TV episode had police descend upon the scene of the crime. So many of ‘The Force’ attended the scene that overnight accommodation was stretched to the extent that Hastings had to ‘double-bed’ with Japp in their hotel. During the night Japp was given to calling out in his sleep. This is what Hastings was complaining about to Poirot: ‘Poirot, my dear fellow, I promise you you’ve never heard anything like it. You know those boots he wears? Bang! and the other one, crash! When he finally gets in to bed, it’s worse. He talks in his sleep. “Now I’ve got you, young fella m ’lad, Japp of the Yard strikes again!” I thought I’d go mad! Every time I managed to drop off he starts shouting. “Stand back lads, he’s got a blancmange!”
‘Some of the things he was saying were enough to make a cat laugh. I can’t take much more of it, Poirot.’
The script was written by Clive Exton (1930-2007) who injected humour into the characters. The reference to the ‘blancmange’ was, at first glance, the ramblings of Japp’s fertile nocturnal imagination.
It is possible that subliminal forces could have been at play. At that time it was not unknown for the police to be issued with variations of the Webley & Scott automatic pistol. The early ‘prototype’ models at .455 calibre had a decidedly unsettling recoil. Later-issued smaller .32 models were quite civilised and didn’t ‘shake’ so much, but by that time the ‘dog had been given a bad name’ – this wasn’t helped by the name of Webley being bandied around t he f orce as ‘Wobbly’ – a bit like a blancmange if you like.
Alan C. Hiller, London.
QUESTION
I have a small wooden boat which is hinged in the middle and built by Fairey Marine. Was it designed to be a lifeboat, possibly to be dropped from an aeroplane? THIS was the Pixie, built by Fairey Marine in the Fifties and Sixties, mainly as a tender to its yachts. A cross between a canoe, a dinghy and a punt, it could be split in half and stowed on the yacht’s foredeck.
Fairey’s bold claim was that the boat was ‘ingenious in design, robust in construction and yet streamlined for easy paddling’. A further claim that it could be assembled in less than five minutes was optimistic, half an hour being nearer the truth.
The boat was constructed from plywood and covered with waterproof canvas. It was robust, with individual sections being bolted together and stiffened with removable bulkheads. Fore and aft-shaped sections were added for better performance through the water.
Additional sections were available so the boat could seat from one to four persons. There was even a rigid deck spray cover so it could be used for surf canoeing. Each component was carefully engineered to fairly fine tolerances – using skills learned from aircraft production.
While each boat was a beautiful construction, they proved too heavy, requiring at least two people to lift the pre-assembled kit and too bulky for most cars – something the size of a Volvo estate would be required for their transportation.
While robust, they could not have been deployed from an aircraft.
This notion might come from the fact that Fairey Marine was an offshoot of the successful Fairey Aviation Company, notable for designing important military aircraft, including the Fairey III family, the Swordfish, Firefly, and Gannet.
Formed shortly after World War II, Fairey Marine first specialised in dinghies including the Firefly, Albacore, Falcon (dinghy), Swordfish (dinghy), Jollyboat, Flying Fifteen, 505 and International 14’s along with the much smaller Dinky and Duckling. These were produced using the same hot moulding (glue and plywood) method used in aircraft production.
Jim Williams, Falmouth, Cornwall.
QUESTION
Roy Keane recently caused a stir by saying: ‘If Ashley Young is a Man United player then I’m a Chinaman.’ My dad used this phrase. What other phrases have gone out of fashion? WHEN we used to get into trouble, my mother would shout ‘I’ll swing for you one of these days!’
Mrs A. Wooley, St Ives, Cambs. MY Dad used to say: ‘I’m just going to turn mi bike round,’ meaning he was going to the bathroom to ‘inspect the plumbing’. He also claimed he was ‘going to see a man about a dog’ when off to the pub.
Sam Finch, Sheffield. IN our household grandma would say: ‘Well I’ll go to the foot of the stairs,’ if something remarkable happened. My sisters and I used to take this to extremes with: ‘I’ll go to the bottom of our garden,’ then the next one: ‘I’ll go to the end of our street,’ ‘and so forth until we had ‘I’ll go to the outer reaches of the solar system,’ etc. before being clipped around the ear.
Jeremy Cope, Pontefract, West Yorks.
QUESTION
Does Gerry (the Pacemaker) Marsden ever go to Anfield and sing You’ll Never Walk Alone, possibly the most famous fans’ song of all time? FURTHER to the earlier answer, my eldest son has always been a fervent Liverpool FC supporter so on his 14th birthday, January 14, 1995, I managed to get two tickets to take him to their home league game against Ipswich Town.
We had a great day at Anfield, and Gerry Marsden was there to sing You’ll Never Walk Alone live at the Kop end. Not so good for the team, though. Ipswich won 1-0.
Paddy Gallagher, by email.
QUESTION
What is the largest inland expanse of water by volume in Ireland? THE largest inland volume of water in Ireland is Lough Neagh, which is also the largest lake in both Ireland and Britain. Lough Mask, in counties Galway and Mayo, is the next largest, sharing this position with Lower Lough Erne in Co. Fermanagh. The third largest water area is Lough Corrib, also in counties Galway and Mayo.
Lough Neagh, whose shoreline embraces five of the six counties in the North, covers an area of 392 sq km and has a volume of 3.5 cubic km. It is a very shallow lake, with a maximum depth of 25 metres. While the lake is well used for fishing and recreation, it’s also an important source of water. About 40 per cent of the water used in Northern Ireland is extracted from Lough Neagh.
Legend has it that the lake owes its origins to Fionn Mac Cumhaill, who scooped out a chunk of earth to hurl at a rival in Scotland. The resulting hole formed Lough Neagh while the lump of earth fell short, into the Irish Sea, forming the Isle of Man. Today, the lough is privately owned by the Earl of Shaftesbury.
Joint second place among the largest lakes in Ireland is shared by Lough Mask and Lower Erne. Lough Mask is a limestone lake covering 83 sq km and it’s the middle one of three lakes that flow into the Corrib River, which goes through Galway city to empty into Galway Bay. It and Lower Lough Erne both contain 1. 3 cubic km of water.
Number three on the list is Lough Corrib, which also flows through the Corrib River. It covers 176 sq km, which makes it much larger than either Lough Mask or Lower Lough Erne, but it has a smaller volume of water, just over 1. 1 cubic km. Lough Corrib is noted for its wildlife but also for the abundance of invasive species, including the curly leaved waterweed and the zebra mussel.
After these lakes, the next largest lakes in terms of volume are, in descending order, Lough Derg, between counties Tipperary, Clare and Galway; Lough Ree; Lough Allen; Lough Conn; Lough Leane; Lough Melvin and Poulaphouca reservoir.
N. Curran, by email.