Love is... Judd acting the gent as my boys monkey about
MY SON cut off Judd A pa tow this week. It’ s not everyday that you get to chat to one of America’ s top comedy directors. But it is equally rare that your toddler manages to cut him off mid-sentence as he gleefully presses a button on your iPhone.
I better throw in a bit of context at this stage. Netflix has just released Love, a sort of anti-dating series created by Apatow, actor Paul Rust and writer Lesley Arfin. It tells the story of two people with an idyllic view of love, thanks to Hallmark and rom- coms. They think love is not just a breeze, but a God-given rite of passage. Sure isn’t there hot dates, smiles in a lift, the act of suggestively dropping cups of sugar around to your neighbour? Soon, however, they discover the truth — it’s really all a swizz designed to sell merchandise and movies.
Romantically starved and eternal geek Gus (co- creator Rust) has a lacklustre meeting with Mickey (played by Gillian Jacobs) in a shop. When caught short for cash, he offers to pay her bill. They are both in relationships, but they are relationships that are toxic and soul destroying.
He’s a tutor to the young actors on a cheesy supernatural soap about witches in Kansas titled, fittingly, Witchita. She works on a radio ad- vice show with a host played by the brilliant Brett Gelman. Anyway, as soon as the first episode starts, both Gus and Mickey get brutally dumped and of course seek solace in one another’s misery. This l eads to a sardonic and witty journey through the modern world of swipe-right dating.
So when Netflix offered a conference call with Apatow himself I was excited to say the least.
Given the time difference I rang a service that hosts calls from various countries.
In advance of this I had managed to pawn off my two boys in the short term; they were on a brief walk around the block with their grandfather.
It seemed like a perfect plan as I dialled the number and waited for the conference call to begin.
Unfortunately it was about 20 minutes before the group interview started and by this time my precious rugrats had returned and came searching for their father.
There was a French and a German journalist patched through to the call so I started furiously jotting down their questions and the director’s responses, hoping that Blaze And The Monster Machines would keep them occupied for long enough to get my own questions in.
But as sure as eggs were eggs my toddler and his 14-month-old brother could sense that something was not right. It started with a rattle of a stair gate which the older one managed to lift up, allowing his baby sibling to crawl under and scale the first barrier. Think the Great Escape meets Charlie Brown. I still wonder if Judd Apatow could hear my son shouting ‘Daddy, Daddy, I’m stuck’ from the bottom of the stairs. Did he, I wonder, hear the loud giggle and gurgle from the baby as he splashed around in the toilet bowl ? If he did, he managed not to comment.
He even had the good grace to answer the one question I had slipped in about his own daughter Iris Apatow, who plays a nascent tween diva. ‘She won’t look back at her performance,’ he told me.
‘She plays a diva and does a really good job at it but she just has this thing where she won’t look back at anything she does. It was a lot of fun having her there and she plays a role where she doesn’t listen to anyone so, yeah, it was probably easy.’ At this point both boys have managed to make it to the landing and can hear my voice. The door handle starts to turn; slowly at first and then jarringly into a half circle and in a move that would give Johnny from the Shining a run for his money, two boys tumble in the room screaming for Daddy. Now at this point I am certain that not just Judd, but also but Clarice and Hans are wondering what the hell is going on.
Thinking quickly I put the phone on speaker and try to shepherd the baby into his cot as quietly as possible. Once there I can get the toddler a bottle and distract him, hopefully in time to get the end of the call. But by the time I have formed the plan my eldest son has that all too familiar look in his eye, and I know I’m doomed. He has spotted the phone.
Before Judd can finish whatever sentence he is speaking, there is a loud giggle and silence.
He has been cut off, thus ending the most embarrassing international interview of my life.
If there is a lesson to be learned here it is as obvious as ‘don’t eat yellow snow’. Watch Love, it’s funny and quirky, but don’t attempt to do a phone interview with Judd Apatow with two children under the age of three in your house. ÷ LOVE is available to stream now from Netflix.com