JONATHAN CAINER
Dear Jonathan, I would like to hear your take on the U.S. presidential election. Jo Dear Jonathan, You have previously avoided making political predictions, yet now you seem to be predicting the future of the European Union. What do you personally feel on the matter?
Ross Dear Ross, Dear Jo, I feel able to say something about the EU because I don’t have a strong personal view either way. I don’t feel able to predict the outcome of the U.S. election because I have such a strong personal feeling about one of the candidates, I don’t trust myself to be objective.
ARIES
Mar 21 — Apr 20
DO YOU remember, as a child, watching Tarzan movies? He’d swing through the jungle on vines and, once in a while, he’d have to pass a pit of quicksand. To fall in was to be drawn ever deeper. The more you struggled, the more you got dragged down. If fear is like quicksand, hope is like Tarzan, swinging by on a vine! A willingness to be still, to trust and to accept help is all you need today to ensure that an arm reaches down and lifts you out of whatever you feel you can’t escape. Make one of your most rewarding calls ever. For your new in-depth, four-minute forecast, dial 1550 511 611.
TAURUS
Apr 21 — May 21
IS IT an astrologer’s job to tell people what they want to hear? What if the planets tell you that the reality is likely to involve a development that proves unpopular? Truth often is controversial. Or unwelcome, at least at first. That’s why the world often seems full of seductive but unreliable falsehoods. True progress, today, involves accepting that a situation may not be quite as you wish it was . . .but then looking to see how you can effect a positive change rather than just trying to ‘dream it right’. Want to discover some priceless information about your week? Just pick up the phone! Call 1550 511 611.
GEMINI
May 22 — June 22
WE WANT to be OK. We actively don’t want not to be OK. So far, so good. No one would disagree with that. But what if we worry, so much, about ‘not being OK’ that we end up putting ourselves into that very state? For some people, the only thing that’s really not OK is the amount of time and energy that they spend worrying. Mind you, worrying about whether we are worrying too much can’t be too good for us either! Don’t worry about that or anything else today. All really is OK! Don’t worry about the future. I’ve taken a look at your week and I’ve got great things to tell you. Call 1550 511 611.
CANCER
June 23 — July 23
SOMETIMES, we get comfortable with discomfort. We may find, for example, that we can only get to sleep in a particular position, even if it means that when we wake up, we’re stiff from keeping our neck in conflict with our spine. Psychologically we can fall prey to similar syndromes. We may over-indulge familiar fears or act out habits, even though we know we should rise above them. Noticing that and doing something constructive about it may be easier than you think today. Make one of your most rewarding calls ever. For your new in-depth, four-minute forecast, dial 1550 511 611.
LEO
July 24 — Aug 23
‘THANK you for calling Central Control. Please select from one of the following options. If you’ve got a dream you yearn to fulfil, press 1. For help with a truly ridiculous situation, press 2. If you are calling about how unfair the world is, press 3. Beep. Beep. Your call is now in a queue. It should be answered in less than… five… thousand years.’ Call today, on someone you can count on. Dial your own number. Answer your own question. You’ve got more knowledge and power than you think. Want to discover some priceless information about your week? Just pick up the phone! Call 1550 511 611.
VIRGO
Aug 24 — Sep 23
THE world is full of people who don’t have quite enough time. Given how short our life spans are, it is hard to imagine how any of us ever imagine we can afford to relax. Yet if we don’t do that, we don’t enjoy life and our tense sense of urgency makes us less successful, too. Perhaps it is a blessing that we are so easily able to forget the truth of our transience. Today, though, remember it is precisely because something matters so much that you should act a bit more as if it doesn’t matter! Don’t worry about the future. I’ve taken a look at your week and I’ve got great things to tell you. Call 1550 511 611.
LIBRA
Sep 24 — Oct 23
WE ALL have special needs of some kind. Special preferences, special difficulties, special characteristics. Arguably, if we are all so different, none of us are perhaps quite as ‘special’ as we may care to imagine! One thing we certainly have in common is a sense of discomfort if we begin to fear that our special needs are not being acknowledged or respected — the more so if they are thus unlikely to be met. Yet the cosmos will find a special way to supply what you most need today. Make one of your most rewarding calls ever. For your new in-depth, four-minute forecast, dial 1550 511 611.
SCORPIO
Oct 24 — Nov 22
THESE days, we can get caffeine-free coffee, alcohol-free wine, sugarfree chocolate, fat-free milk. What cumulative impact might this be having on us all? If so many experiences can be supplied without what was once their ‘signature ingredient’, can we also adjust our expectations to feel fine about destination-free journeys, outcome-free elections or love-free marriages? Remember, today, if you want a particular result you may have to do something the old-fashioned way. Want to discover some priceless information about your week? Just pick up the phone! Call 1550 511 611.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov 23 — Dec 21
SHERLOCK Holmes, like many great detectives, often discovers a secret has been ‘hiding in plain sight’. Apparently the best way to perpetrate a deception is to do this so brazenly that whatever is happen- ing seems entirely normal. I am neither suggesting that you want to commit nor solve a crime today. But I am wondering if you are hunting for an unnecessarily exotic solution to a puzzle that seems baffling. Consider the obvious. Re-examine what you already know. Don’t worry about the future. I’ve taken a look at your week and I’ve got great things to tell you. Call 1550 511 611.
CAPRICORN
Dec 22 — Jan 20
MOSTLY, we know what we think we should be doing. Does it follow, from this, that we really know? Do we even know what we ought to be doing? We know what we think. But how far can we trust what we think? I ask not to confuse you, but hopefully to help free you from a spiral of unnecessary self-doubt. You suspect you have made an error. You think it may be appropriate to retract and apologise. It may be. But you may care, first, to check whether actually you have got anything wrong at all! Make one of your most rewarding calls ever. For your new in-depth, four-minute forecast, dial 1550 511 611.
AQUARIUS
Jan 21 — Feb 19
YOU may think you know what’s needed but what if someone else has another idea? If it is important to keep that person happy — or if, indeed, you respect their judgement and can see the sense in honouring their priorities, how can you prioritise your own schedule over theirs? What’s needed, under such circumstances, becomes ‘to do what they need’. Or, at least, to assist with it. If your agenda gets changed today, don’t see it as being hijacked, more as being gently, rightly diverted! Want to discover some priceless information about your week? Just pick up the phone! Call 1550 511 611.
PISCES
Feb 20 — Mar 20
YOU may wish you were dealing with different circumstances. If you continue to nurture that desire, you will eventually take action that leads to its fulfilment. Change sometimes comes organically but most arises from dedicated effort. That idea becomes all the more profound when we remember Mahatma Gandhi’s exhortation to ‘be the change that you want to see in the world.’ All that needs to happen, if you want things to be done differently now… is to start doing a few things a little differently! Don’t worry about the future. I’ve taken a look at your week and I’ve got great things to tell you. Call 1550 511 611.