The love boat!
It may be the biggest and most fun-packed cruise ship on water, but Harmony of the Seas also provides the perfect intimate atmosphere for couples
PLUMMETING down the twisting ten-storey slide, I felt a frisson of excitement that I’m almost sure is the sole reserve of children under ten. There I was, miles out at sea off the coast of Barcelona on the world’s biggest cruise ship, falling through a neon-lit tunnel at breakneck speed.
I had almost chickened out at the very last second, but my husband Alan had taken the foreboding journey down the ‘Ultimate Abyss’ seconds before me and the thoughts of being laughed at for being a wuss spurred me on.
At first, the speed at which you descend is quite bearable. But after five seconds, you take a turn to the left and spiral to the ground in a blur of purple light.
And as I arrived at the bottom – and burst out laughing in nervous relief – I realised that this was the perfect summary of what the Harmony of The Seas was to me: Thrilling.
I knew the ship would be massive in size, it can accommodate 6,410 guests and more than 2,000 crew at any one time.
But I had not been prepared for the scale of what it has to offer, especially for a couple like us.
Cruise ships often get a bad rap for being schmaltzy, but the Royal Caribbean have
left the old clichés in the dust with a ship that I honestly would find difficult to leave no matter what amazing European destination we happened to berth at.
We were on the Harmony of the Seas for two nights, and we packed in adventure, relaxation, entertainment, great food, great wine and the odd cocktail made by... a robot!
With seven distinct neighbourhoods – including their own versions of Central Park and Broadway – you would almost forget you were out at sea when you’re not out on the upper decks.
When we arrived on the Harmony, after a satisfyingly quick check-in, we were ravenous having travelled from Dublin at 4am and we made a beeline straight for Johnny Rockets.
It was our first meal on the cruise and we weren’t let down: Alan’s burger was exactly as he likes it, and I had a large, cheesy tuna melt that I’m still trying to recreate at home.
It was to be the first of a series of meals that got tastier and more impressive as we went on.
There are 20 dining venues on board, with something to suit every palate.
Across from where we sat on Broadway at Johnny Rockets – under hilarious screams from the aforementioned Ultimate Abyss slide which stretched out high above us – was Sabor Mexican restaurant where tacos, zesty margaritas and fajitas are the order of the day.
And in the same open air atrium is the Boardwalk hot dog stand. It is safe to say that we happily consumed more than one of their various creations on our seaward sojourn.
Well fed and itching to make inroads exploring the ship, we checked into our room. My advice here to anyone mulling over booking a few nights on the Harmony is to pick a room with an ocean view and a balcony.
One evening, while out at sea, we arrived back to our room to happen across a stunning sunset across the sea. We sat out on recliner chairs, the sound of gentle waves hitting the ship a few decks down, the sun on our face and a beer in our hand.
We would have stayed there for hours that evening but we were already late for dinner in the Main Dining Room and quite frankly, that is not a meal you want to miss. The staterooms are surprisingly spacious – better than I had expected – and have plenty of storage and are very tastefully decorated.
In truth we spent very little time in ours, so keen were we to explore every corner.
ON that first afternoon, we went straight back out from our stateroom to start our quest, deck by deck.
It was a scorching afternoon in Barcelona, so we made our way to the pool decks and there is no shortage of choice here.
The 363-metre-long ship has 23 pools including three white-knuckle water slides and countless Jacuzzis and whirlpools.
There is an adults only solarium with a monstrously big Jacuzzi, and at the other end, a water play area for younger guests that made me want to be a kid again.
There are plenty of bars dotted around the pools, some of which serve cocktails like Piña Coladas or Cosmopolitans (I selflessly tried both for the purposes of this review and duly recommend them) and others which have larger selections of beers.
After a few poolside scoops, we ventured further up the ship to come across an unexpected sight: a full-size basketball court, and a mini-golf course.
I have never played golf before, mini or otherwise, but I have secretly always wanted to try.
So I was delighted to find the course empty and we spent a hilarious
30 minutes doing our best Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry impressions in the sun.
We discovered yet another bar beside the golf course, and had a drink while watching two men try their hand at the FlowRider.
There are two FlowRider surf simulators on the aft of the ship, where you can try your hand at stand-up surfing or boogie boarding.
Given my general clumsiness, I decided it was better for all concerned if I remained at a safe distance at the bar.
Alas, with a pale complexion like mine and the capacity to burn even at the thought of the sun, I resisted the temptation to spend all my time lounging around the outdoor decks and rambled around the Harmony’s Central Park or Royal Promenade.
It was on the latter that I happened across the Bionic Bar. Here, two robotic bartenders sit under countless gleaming inverted spirit bottles.
The concept is simple and the system is easy to use: Guests walk up to tablets which are left on most tables and put in their order, choosing from classic cocktails, signature drinks or test out their own creations.
I happened to try one of the best cocktails I’ve ever had at that bar: a pineapple concoction dreamt up by my other half. The Royal Promenade also has a number of shops and cafes and can be a great place to people-watch when you need a break from all the excitement.
On our first night we ate in Harmony’s Main Dining Room.
The food was perfect, I had a pesto tagliatelle that I tried my best to finish despite the large serving, and an Apple Crumble that was sweet and crispy and that my grandmother would most certainly approve of. But by far the standout meal that left the biggest impression on me was in 150 Central Park.
The Central Park area was perhaps the most surprising place onboard, a vast expanse of green, resplendent with more than 12,000 plants and dozens of trees.
150 Central Park, with its beautiful backdrop, is the brainchild of James Beard Award-winning chef Michael Schwartz of Michael’s Genuine Food & Drink in Miami.
It is intimate and cosy, and the food is second to none.
I had a tuna tartare which was prepared tableside, and which I savoured every bite of.
For my main I had a braised short rib which melted in the mouth, washed down with their signature cucumber martini (also prepared tableside, its creation a spectacle of its own).
Himself had the braised ribs also but was given a red wine so delicious that it was dangerous.
The service was the standout here.
Our waiter was charming and helpful but never intrusive, and patient with our questions about the restaurant and the food.
We tarried as long as we could, but as we left and breezed through the park on a balmy evening, I had to remind myself that I was on a ship and out at sea.
After dinner, I came across a karaoke area and settled into watch other people squirm with hilarious embarrassment on stage, or occasionally blow the crowd away with X Factor-worthy vocals.
So imagine my shock and surprise when the MC arrived at our table to profess that it was my turn and that I was scheduled to sing next – with my husband. He had snuck off and put our name down, and what followed was three of the cringiest moments of all time that I weirdly also rather enjoyed.
For the record, to compound my embarrassment, we sang I Got You Babe.
Luckily there is entertainment of a much higher class on board, such as the 1887 show at the ice rink in Studio B.
We had just popped our heads in to watch this tale of time-travelling lovers, and we could not leave despite being late for a date with friends in the ship’s floating bar, the Rising Tide.
The skaters were world class, and the ultra-high quality graphic effects quite literally took my breath away.
We ended up staying until the end and no video or picture that I took could capture the thrill of it.
And there it was again: the Thrill that we felt as soon as we stepped on board this majestic vessel, the thrill that laced the entire adventure, and the thrill that I have promised myself we will recreate again one day aboard the Harmony of the Seas.