I’m fed up with the casual, empty sex that only leaves you feeling used and worthless
WAITINGFOR THEONE
these men were doing really horrible things to the girls. The first thing that went through my mind was: “Is this really what sex is?” I knew then that I wanted to put off having to do it myself for as long as possible.”
In the end, Jacie decided that at 18 she needed to get her first time out of the way. ‘I felt like the oldest virgin in town, and so I just did it at the next opportunity with a boy I’d known for a while.
‘It was an empty experience, afterwards I felt nothing but regret. Since then, I’ve had four sexual partners, but nothing longterm and nothing special.
‘Becoming celibate is my way of giving myself the opportunity to experience that the next time I have sex — for it to be an act of love with someone who truly cares about me. I’m pressing reset on the kind of casual, empty sex that only leaves you feeling used and worthless.’ Sex educator Liz Walker, author of Not For Kids! Protecting Kids Online, believes Katherine and Jacie represent the tip of the iceberg when it comes to young women turning away from sex.
‘The only winners when it comes to pornography are the people making money out of it as an industry,’ she says. ‘And that’s a message we need to get across to children at an early age in their classrooms.
Dr Verity Sullivan, specialist registrar in sexual health at King’s College Hospital, London, says it’s important we don’t demonise boys and young men, who are just as much victims of the steady stream of pornography they are exposed to.
‘Just as I see girls in clinic terrified because they’ve been led to believe things like anal sex are the norm, boys are also struggling because of what they see online. We have young men coming in worried about the shape and size of their penis, or the fact they can’t manage to keep an erection going for hours. They think women expect them to be able to perform like the men they watch online.
‘This generation desperately needs help and the problem is that sex education in schools just doesn’t cut it. We can’t stop them watching porn.
But we can help them see it for what it is.’
In the meantime, Katherine firmly believes celibacy will ultimately help her find a loving relationship in which sex plays an important role.
‘I’m 25 and I want marriage and children, neither of which are going to happen for me if I let myself be dragged down by a dating scene where sex isn’t considered a part of a relationship — it’s instead of one.’