Clash of the Ash and Valentine’s leaves lovers stymied

ROMANTICS will have to choose between their love of God and their other halves today as Ash Wednesday falls on St Valentine’s Day for the first time since 1945.

The unusual coincidence means that candlelit dinners and gorging on chocolates will be a little more complicated.

For many, Ash Wednesday is still a day to attend church, wear ashes on their foreheads and abstain from eating meat as part of a general fasting.

It also marks the start of Lent and 40 days of fasting until Easter Sunday.

But for the first time in 73 years it coincides with the traditional lovers’ day.

So what are those hankering for a bit of romance with their partners to do?

Well, the Church has made it clear that the solemn duties of Ash Wednesday take precedence over the corporeal delights of Valentine’s.

Bishop of the Kildare and Leighlin, Denis Nulty, who is also president of Accord, the Catholic marriage advice service, said fasting was the winner.

‘Ash Wednesday takes precedence, as it marks the beginning of Lent,’ said Bishop Nulty yesterday.

‘The heart is the great symbol of St Valentine’s Day. It is the heart that also keeps us going during the Lenten season,’ he added.

‘Two hearts meet on St Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday but, of course, we fast tomorrow.’

As a way of marrying the two celebrations, some US bishops were advising the loved-up members of their congregations to celebrate St Valentine’s last night.

But that suggestion comes too late for Ireland’s faithful. Archbishop of New York Cardinal Timothy M Dolan said in a blog: ‘Ash Wednesday has precedence, and the coincidence of St Valentine’s Day would not lift for us the duty of fasting and self-denial. St Valentine willingly bows to this Sacred Heart, for which even he lovingly gave his life 18 centuries ago.’

So, if you are heading to Mass this morning to have your foreheads marked with ash as a symbol of mortality, that champagne dinner you were planning for tonight might not be appropriate.

IT IS Ash Wednesday, St Valentine’s Day and, as it happens, my eldest son’s 13th birthday. How do you have a party on a day of fast and abstinence? Luckily, our son has planned his festivities for another day.

Still, I wonder how many will prioritise romance over penance today? How many of the millennials even know it is Ash Wednesday? How many are there who still care? You might be surprised. Lent continues to have a curious attraction for many people.

Today, the churches will be unusually packed with penitents, many of whom will attend daily Mass for the full 40 days.

The priest dips his finger in ash and makes the sign of the Cross on the penitent’s forehead.

The ash comes from the palms used during last year’s Palm Sunday celebrations. Burned and broken down, they are now used to remind us of our mortality.

But who wants to be reminded of death and decay? Who wants to be reminded that from dust we came and to dust we shall return? Why bother with such gloom in an age of glitz and glam?

Actually, I think there is a way of looking at it that dispels the darkness. It is not that you are having death, quite literally, shoved in your face. Rather, it is a gentle reminder that time is a gift.

The one thing this generation cannot claim as an entitlement is time. Yes, they talk of wanting ‘my time’, but is it really their time? The truth is that we are all on borrowed time.

The ash is a symbol that time should never be taken for granted.

It has been given to us without any conditions, but that does not mean it is unlimited. Here today, gone tomorrow.

It is true: one day, we shall return to dust. Is that cause for despair? Only if you waste the precious gift of time.

St Benedict tells us to ‘keep death always before your eyes’.

This is not to make us morbidly obsessive but to keep us on our toes. It is to remind us that waking up each morning is a miracle.

The emphasis is not on death and dust. It is on life and living it to the full. It is a way of waking us up to the wonders of the world.

It is amazing how life can be transformed when you receive each second as a gift.

You begin to look at all people and all reality with love. You do so because you have finally woken up to the fact that none of it lasts forever.

Keeping death before your eyes is the seed from which true love begins. If there is a connection between Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day, it is that we cannot truly love without being mindful of mortality.

For love, that most beautiful of all emotions, will only truly bloom when you know that it, too, is subject to time.

He dips his finger in ash, not to make you despair, but to make you more alive. And the best way of never losing sight of death is to stay awake. It is to treat each day as though it were your last.

Of course, doing so is not a vain exercise because any day could be our last. But to wake up each morning in the expectation that this is your final day is to fundamentally change how you live. By keeping death before your eyes, you will see miracles where once there was only the mundane.

YOU will see those around you not as a burden, but as the source of all light and meaning. You will see the world as a gift of love and the heavens as a celestial mystery. You will see your work, not as drudgery, but as your gift to life.

You will begin to savour everything, for you will look at all things in a way you have never done before. Your heart will open to those who need help. You will see their gentleness and fragility, their deep longing for a little love.

He dips his finger in ash and invites you to wake up. Wake up to what?

To the fact that you have the gift of this day to see what you have never seen before, to offer friendship and forgiveness, to love and to be loved.

Today, we think of death. Tonight, we think of love.

But what day is truly complete without a sense of both?