Is it just ME?

Or are you sick of companies asking for feedback too?

How to improve my customer experience? Stop the surveys, for starters

THESE days, every company we encounter seems desperate for our approval. A dedicated online shopper, I struggle to buy a pair of shoes or a pot plant without being asked to share my feelings on the matter.

‘Tell us everything about your shopping experience,’ begs a French catalogue, with Gallic intensity. Well, I logged on at ten past two...

A boutique implores me to score them out of ten for how ‘likely I am to recommend them to a friend’. I like my new earrings. But surely a ten would require something out of the ordinary, like their deliveryman singing me a jaunty song?

Like a judge on Strictly, I give them a solid eight. ‘Tell us why,’ comes the wounded reply. No! Life is simply too short. (And now they’re down to a six-and-a-half.)

TripAdvisor, the website that turned us all into hotel critics, surely led the charge; followed by Uber, the cab service that asks you to rate your driver. Now feedback culture is everywhere.

I ring a customer helpline, and the tired call centre worker asks if I’ll stay on the line to rate her performance. If I don’t, will her rations be slashed to bread and water?

After I cancel an order, a sports giant sends me a survey that takes ‘five minutes or less, to guide us in improving your experience’.

Stop the surveys, I type — that would improve this customer’s experience.

But wait! Another email has arrived. Let us know what you think of your last purchase, it teases me, and you’ll get 20% off your next order.

I know what I need to do. ‘This pot plant,’ I write, ‘is not just any pot plant. It is a champion among pot plants . . .’