Has this tech team cracked dating for over-50s?
Their new app’s set older pulses racing. So LIZ HOGGARD logged on to find someone she clicks with
THE over-50s have been neglected by dating sites for years, says expert Charly Lester.
‘So many friends have approached me over the past six years and said: “My parents have just got divorced. What dating site would you recommend for my mum?” And I just didn’t have an answer for them.
‘I’d explain I’d spoken to women in their 50s and 60s and that, honestly, I didn’t have a site or an app I could recommend because their experiences had been quite miserable.’
It was, she explains, that old problem of men wanting to date younger women, while women tended to prefer men of their own age. Many women in their 50s would sign up excitedly to a dating site only to be ignored.
So, given almost 200,000 over 50s in Ireland are single, divorced or widowed, Charly decided to invent the first over-50s app, designed to use on your smartphone.
Launched last September, Lumen hit the headlines almost immediately — but not necessarily for the right reasons.
You may have seen their Sexy Santa ad campaign just before Christmas where a fit, silver-haired guy was pictured shirtless, holding a plate of mince pies (‘Pull A Cracker This Christmas’). It caused a storm, with accusations of objectifying men.
Charly is unrepentant. They used a photo of a real-life model, Paul Orchard (age 58), to show mature daters can be sexy and have a sense of fun. ‘That shouldn’t be news to anyone — yet the fact that it became a news story shows it is.’
Then, last week, Lumen revealed its most successful fiftysomething users — all of whom looked eminently datable — causing another media storm.
The result is that Lumen is not only one of the most talked about dating apps, but thousands of singles have signed up, making it the most popular app for over-50s.
Ironically, it took two tech-savvy thirtysomethings to come up with the idea. Do they really know what it’s like to be single after divorce or bereavement? Or the horror of being the only fiftysomething woman on a singles holiday? Perhaps not, but both do have experience of online dating.
Despite her youthful appearance, Charly, 35, has been a dating consultant for six years. She used to be an agony aunt for website eharmony and is the creator of The Dating Awards, the Oscars for the online dating industry. Currently single, she uses dating apps.
HER business partner Antoine Argouges, 30, previously at dating apps Badoo and Bumble, met his wife on a French dating app.
‘I enjoy making products that change people’s lives as much as one changed mine,’ he says.
Charly says this sets them apart. ‘We know the pitfalls, we know the frustrations. So we’ve tried to work functionality into the app.’
Which means making it as easy as possible to meet genuine, likeminded singles in a safe space.
In fact, over-50s have been a forgotten generation in tech. Until recently you couldn’t even create a Tinder account if you were over 50. And even now you get lumped into the 55+ category (with no chance to show your individual age).
Most dating services aimed at fiftysomethings started as websites for use on a computer at home (eharmony, Our Time, Plenty of Fish) or matchmaking agencies.
The feeling was that ‘mature daters’ like me wouldn’t find apps easy to navigate. But now 73per cent of those aged 50 to 59 own a smartphone, Charly thinks we’re ready to embrace the technology.
I’m going to need some convincing, to be honest. Even though I spend my life glued to my phone and laptop, I’m not thrilled by the idea of dating apps. I’m shortsighted, so dread tiny print.
Plus, I prefer a full screen so I can read carefully about potential
daters. There are lots of ‘red flags’ you can spot from photos, such as the lack of furniture (even bachelor pads should have chairs) or an exwife chopped out of the picture.
My younger friends get exasperated. ‘You’re quite a modern, happening woman,’ says one. ‘You can use Uber. You need to widen your repertoire with dating apps.’
The truth is I’m quite a slow, deliberate dater, which doesn’t work in a world of ‘swipe culture’.
I like an A4-size screen to write on, and the chance to scroll back over messages.
But Charly reassures me that sending messages on the Lumen app is no different to using Facebook Messenger to contact friends. And it’s true. The app is clearly designed, simple to operate. I can scroll back over messages. It’s also a relief to get a notification on my phone when someone contacts me rather than having to keep logging into a website.
Once registered, you can start chatting immediately. Lumen claims to be the only mainstream dating app to insist on 100 per cent photo verification, so you know who you are talking to is really who they say they are.
When you register, you are required to upload a selfie as part of the verification process and an algorithm authenticates this image against other pictures provided.
The technology is so sophisticated it can detect age too. ‘If you look significantly younger than 50, a human moderator will look at it. And it will match your age against your Facebook site, if you log in that way, too.’ Youngsters get a polite rebuttal. Necessary, says Charly, because women in their 50s get targeted by men in their 20s and 30s on other sites. ‘I hadn’t realised the phenomenon of cougar hunting was such a big problem,’ she admits.
The app is not swipe-based. Which is refreshing when the average attention span of someone on apps such as Tinder is a terrifying six seconds. ‘One of the things we heard from people in their 50s and 60s is they were put off by the disposable treatment of people on certain apps.’
Each profile must have a minimum of three photos (Tinder asks for one), plus an ‘about me’ section and a ‘what I’m looking for section’. Profiles also have ‘badges’ — height, ethnicity, kids, liberal/conservative — which give you an overview of people’s leanings. Lumen allows you to start three new conversations a day (though you can read and reply to any number of messages). Once you have reached your limit, you can double your number of conversations and see who has favourited you by paying for Premium Mode (from £7.99/ €9.20).
They’ve designed the app to encourage meaningful conversations. Your ice breaker message should be at least 50 characters long. It’s not good enough just to say ‘hi’. Though I did get one gem from Ian, 56: ‘I’m divorced two kids. Area manager. What are you looking for?’ Which felt like a threeact play in two sentences.
When someone messages you, you have 72 hours to reply (on Bumble it’s 24 hours.) Lumen will send you a reminder, but after that, the message disappears and the person can’t contact you again. The app is location-based so you will be sent profiles depending on where you are during the day (plus their location distance from you).
I couldn’t help noticing the reallife women Charly showed me on the site looked intimidatingly good, while the men weren’t always showing their best side.
But I really like the way Charly and Antoine are on a mission to have an age-positive influence on society, from their adverts to their hands-on advice. Did it work for me? Not entirely. I had several friendly messages from men in their 50s and 60s (and was favourited 20 times, which is an ego boost for any woman), but I could see our jobs might be incompatible (does a butcher really want an arts journalist who is out every night?).
That said, a month on I’ve had coffee with a guy who lives locally, and works in the arts. And a promising conversation with an author.
NO PHOTO messaging or nudity is allowed on Lumen (phew!). Though there were some quite sexually forward profiles; ‘Mood, food, drink, kink,’ boasted one 62-year-old musician’s profile.
While a white-haired author, 52, declared: ‘We are not going to get married. However we are going to enjoy an erotic interlude’ (dear God why are writers always the worst?). But Tinder users won’t be shocked.
I miss being able to search by words such as ‘film’ or ‘architecture’. But Charly tells me: ‘The app prioritises those closer to you and shows you those who have been active recently, so you might want to use it when you’re in a more creative area of town, if this is what you’re looking for.’
Any disappointment I might feel is down to the reality of dating, she adds bluntly. ‘We have worked hard to provide a space which allows you to meet other over-50s, who actually want to meet people of the same age. Beyond that, I’m afraid you will still be limited by those available.’
While I probably prefer a site where people have chosen to pay, there is a joy to being among your peers, who know your age, and that you’ve already made a lot of key decisions — about work, kids, independence — in your life.
Charly admits they do hear the occasional unkind comment from men — saying they’d never join because the older women must be duds, ‘which I find really interesting because, from my own completely subjective opinion, I think the women on Lumen are way hotter than the men. And it’s not just Lumen. Because single women over 50 look after themselves more than single men over 50. These women are absolute catches.’