Organise a lunch date in the kitchen

STEPH SAYS:

WHAT a huge shame. You are living most people’s idea of the perfect work-life balance, yet you’re finding the reality very far from what you longed for — and taking it out on your poor husband.

Try to view this as a work problem, not a relationship one. Imagine that this is taking place in a corporate working environment, and that you’re being interrupted by a colleague, not your husband — and think how you’d tackle it then.

The conversation with the offending colleague would be more professional than personal — you would no doubt use tact and a certain amount of charm, not barbed comments laced with irritation!

If you can harness that train of thought, you are well on your way to managing this situation.

Let’s face it, there are worse problems to have when starting out on your own.

Loneliness is a very common one, so be thankful to have your husband at home with you.

That being said, you must resolve this now — before it escalates too much.

The first thing to do is to explain to your husband how you are struggling to bed-in to your new working environment. Then bring up the issue of the blurring of lines between working at home and being available to him for household chores, chats and general domestic issues.

Next, try to establish your own private working environment in which you can isolate yourself when you need to — perhaps introduce a garden office or claim the spare room. You need your own space — just as your husband does. Lastly, I would encourage you to involve your husband.

Tell him about your clients, calls, deadlines — that way you are engaging his support, and including him in your working day, but not your working environment.

Try to see this in a positive light — you should be thrilled he wants to spend time with you. Working together can be so much fun — Dom and I have a fantastic time together.

It’s really rather sad that the ‘colleague’ you can’t stand at work is your husband. And I feel you should make an effort to stop thinking like that.

Why not arrange to meet for lunch every day — you can make it into something to look forward to. Go shopping at the weekend and plan something good for each day, then agree a time to meet in the kitchen (where you no longer work) to have a date.

Or just read the paper over a sandwich. Together. That’s the key. Find a room of your own. Reclaim your independence. Then enjoy every moment that you do spend together.