HERE'S A FERRY GOOD IDEA...
Being able to pack up all but the kitchen sink as well as avoiding airport security disasters are just two of the many advantages to taking the family over water to France
HURTLING down the M8 to Cork with a car packed with a wife, three children and everything but the kitchen sink, I can’t quite fathom how, historically, families migrated thousands of miles across Europe.
As the longest ever game of eyespy continued at a ferocious pace and the tell-tale whiff of a baby’s business forced us to a petrol station pit-stop, I began to wonder how we would survive 24 hours on a boat.
I mean if this three-hour car journey to Ringaskiddy is a nightmare then the next step of the journey is essentially a floating prison. Thankfully, the trip to the boat turned out to be the only negative part of this week-long summer holiday.
And you had to forgive the three boys a measure of overexcitement as they looked out from their car window to see the towering iron mass of our Brittany Ferries ship, docked and ready to receive its cargo.
One of the reasons why this form of transport appeals to us is that several trips as a family of five through Dublin Airport security have left us on the brink of a divorce.
On one occasion the baby jumped out of his buggy, ran off through security, making a Forrest Gumpstyle sprint for the duty free. I was then physically stopped by bamboozled security guards as I attempted to chase after him, my watch setting off the security alarm.
The comfort — albeit all packed up in a car — of being able to simply drive up into a boat, go for a snooze and wake up in France was, well, heavenly.
AND I have to say from the moment we checked in to our cabin and went off to explore the four-storey ship, the experience was incredible.
Because what Brittney Ferries has done is to completely cater for families. I know this might seem harsh if you are a couple on a romantic holiday, faced with over 350 children on one deck, but hey, take a flight you crazy love birds.
There is a top deck with a small pool and ice-cream bar, as well as the more expensive commodorelevel cabins. You have the option of a cinema on arrival showing The Secret Life of Pets as well as a small soft play area for the smaller rugrats.
There is a swanky restaurant and piano bar, but we didn’t go within 100 yards of it out of fear of upsetting the silver service with our bawdy manners.
Instead we set up camp in the main bar which comes with a small stage and DJ booth that immediately doubled as a kids’ club. Think of this as a miniature Butlins on the water as for the next ten hours the always upbeat staff members entertained, danced with and mesmerised my children.
So much so that we really only had to look after the baby while the four and six-year-old learned the moves to Shake It Off before losing their minds to Matt the bubble magician.
For food we dined at the buffet restaurant, which is reasonably priced with basic salad bar, grill and meal deal of around €12.50 per head.
We also spotted some nonnovice ferry goers making use of the several microwaves dotted around the halls — they had cleverly brought their own meals
and, in many cases, their own libations.
The rooms were small but cosy and the five of us slept well on the bunk-beds, with the baby in a cot. The bobbing of a smooth crossing lulled three over-excited and exhausted kids — and parents — to sleep.
When we departed the ferry at 7am French time, we were ready to decamp to our final destination: Domiane De Kerlann campsite in western Brittany.
Roughly a two-hour drive from the port of Roscoff, this is a stunning property filled with two and three-bedroom mobile homes laid out in a grid of tree-dotted avenues and cul-de-sacs leading off a central concourse.
The site calls itself a holiday village and has everything you want from a mini town — shop, bar, restaurant, launderette, children’s clubs, pool complex and play areas, including mini golf and bouncy castles.
If it’s white sandy beaches you’re after then you won’t find better than Raguenes, with crystal clear water, beach rugby and oodles of rock pools filled with wonder.
We were there during a heatwave and any time the weather became a bit prickly we jumped into the car and hit one of the many places of interest within a 30minute radius.
The prettiest is Pont-Aven, a riverside setting that inspired the post-impressionist painter Paul Gauguin.
For the kids it was the mystery of Concarneau, a medieval walled town 20 minutes’ drive to the west of Kerlann and like something out of a fairytale.
The fortified stone Ville Close consists of cobbled streets, quaint little shops, restaurants and icecream parlours, surrounded by accessible ramparts.
Buskers add atmosphere and once a week a gigantic market assembles in front where any amount of fresh French produce and jellies can be purchased and taken back to the mobile.
If you fancy some more intensive shopping, the city of Quimper is a 30-minute drive away and the cultural capital of Brittany. Not one but two rivers flow through it and the gothic architecture and cathedral make for a contrast to the twee villages nearby.
Most afternoons though, we simply enjoyed the relaxation provided by the baby’s hour and a half nap.
While the children enjoyed singing and dance classes or even water balloon fights, we sipped rosé and ate local cheese soaking up the relaxed atmosphere, delighted with a reprieve from the bedlam of home.
As a family we gave up the dream of enjoying a five-star holiday together long ago, but with water parks and water slides, this was as close to a five star experience as you’ll get on a three-star budget.
But it is at night time that Kerlann really bursts into life and each evening we found our boys dragging us up to a main square in search of their Club Pirate gang of mates.
There they did everything from full-on Ibiza-style foam party, to karaoke to a well-produced talent show which was costumed and a blend of France’s Got Talent and The Voice.
WHAT was great about this trip was that the boys were just as excited about the boat home as they were about going over so there was little to no disappointment when we packed up the car and hit the road.
A quick note for those who would like to bring some wine home. There is superb value to be had and you can bring as much as you want back as long as it is for personal consumption.
I would avoid the warehouses by the port like the plague. They are selling plonk by the case and as there is little chance of any instant repeat business they care not for customer service.
I headed to a Carrefour about 5km from the campsite (think Tesco times ten) which has a vast selection of wine complete with its own in-house sommelier with perfect English.
I gave him my budget and preferences and he helped me pick out some lovely reds for an attractive price which made for a really lovely Christmas in my house.
This was my first attempt at making my own French memories and I loved it all.
We grew closer as a family without the constant distractions of TV and social media.
The next time I go back I will do two things: I will head further south to maybe see more of the sights of the mainland and bring a bigger boot.