He’s not yours — leave him alone!

DOM SAYS:

WELL, you’re right — I don’t like your question. This is a disappointing situation to say the least, but it is what it is.

It appears you’ve fallen in love with a married man. You shouldn’t have gone there — and neither should he — but you have and now you have to deal with the consequences.

My initial reaction to this is that you should walk away and just leave him alone.

He is not your plaything, he’s a man who has taken marriage vows. He chose to break them, but that doesn’t make them any less important.

However, while I don’t approve of the deceit, I do understand love. I’ve always believed in true love, and that not everyone gets it right first time around.

If this relationship is really meant to be, well, then, everyone who makes a mistake deserves a second chance.

In your longer letter you say this man had spent years wishing he’d had the courage to ask you out at university. It may well be that you are indeed each other’s soulmates and that your relationship is meant to be.

You don’t say this chap is a father, so I’m assuming there are no children involved, which allows me to make my next point. The coronavirus might turn out to have a silver lining for you. For, as I’ve no doubt we are all starting to discover, being hemmed in at home together during a stressful time can tax any relationship.

Our marriages will either improve as we gain perspective on what really matters in life and let go of petty squabbles (I predict a massive baby boom in nine months’ time) or they will fray under the strain.

Sad to say, I think alongside bouncing babies and couples who are closer than ever, we will also see a lot of separations and divorces when we emerge from this cloud.

So my advice is to sit back and wait. Leave him alone and let him decide in good time. You may turn out to be his choice.

But, in the meantime, I implore you to leave him and his poor wife alone.

It would be grossly unkind to give to his wife any indication of your affair at the moment.

We all need to be a little more considerate of others at the moment, so keep your distance.