When dressing for date night, choose clothes you’d never usually wear – the dress that’s just a little bit risque
confronts the idea of neediness in your relationship.
Close the loo door!
MORE than ever, you need to think about allowing each other some privacy.
If you’re unlucky enough to be sharing a tiny Parisian studio rather than a chateau in Provence, that might be harder, but try.
Not everybody wants to be seen by their partner when they’re puce, partway through a workout, or while wearing a cucumber face mask. So don’t wander into the bathroom without knocking, and do give them space to sweat it out in a sitting room workout. Try to conserve some sort of mystique; the French believe that you don’t have to share everything just because you’re a couple.
Moan about him
‘SOCIALISING’ separately during lockdown is essential — each of you should separately plan virtual drinks with your friends.
Because, at the risk of stating the obvious, you’re probably going to have a few complaints about your other half. Far better to let off steam with friends, who will undoubtedly feel similarly, than to have the mother of all arguments with your partner. After all, monogamous relationships need space to breathe — mentally as well as physically. These days, your partner is seen as some bizarre Swiss Army knife, expected to take on the roles of soulmate, confidant, lover, co-parent, psychologist, chef and financial adviser in a single day.
Even before lockdown that was a lot for any one person to deal with, but now, something needs to give.
If you need to talk, or complain, or get advice, speak to your friends and family instead.
Boredom is a friend
CUTTING yourself off from your partner for a while is one thing, but when you come back together, you have to be able to cut yourselves off from the rest of the world.
More than ever, for your sex life to flourish, you need boredom, because boredom makes you available. And your libido is fragile, it doesn’t like competing for attention.
So find a space where you’re not being bombarded by information, or distracted by social media, work or household chores, and make that your sanctuary.
Make a point every day of making the bed — you need an area of your home that can be dedicated to sexuality.
Put a spotlight on him
THERE’S a reason the French are known as a nation of philosophers and raconteurs — because, more than anyone, we value the art of conversation. Maybe it stems from the court of Versailles where being clever and having something to say elevated your status, but conversation is king.
However, after spending approximately 97,896 hours in a home that is beginning to feel no bigger than a postage stamp, you probably want to spend time talking to anyone but your partner.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, how can constant presence not lead to a familiarity that breeds contempt? But all is not lost. Physical proximity can be compensated for by being mentally inquisitive.
See this as an opportunity to learn more about your other half. You might not be able to change the situation, but you can change the conversation.
Ask your partner questions you’ve never asked them before. What one object would they save if the house was burning down? Who would they invite to dinner if they could ask anyone in the world? Can they sum up their life in four minutes? What is their most treasured memory?
And listen — really listen — to the answers.
Sexual tango via text
LUCKY you — it’s 2020, not 1920, which means you have an entire raft of technical possibilities open to you if you don’t live with your lover.
Using your mobile phone or laptop to keep a romance alive doesn’t have to be all about teenage-style sexting and risqué pictures. Consider emails and texts as an opportunity for erotic correspondence.
Don’t know where to start? How about discussing what you would be doing if you were together, or making plans for the future by describing — in minute detail — what you will do when you can finally see each other again?
Talk about your fantasies, and make it into a sexual tango that goes back and forth.
Do what feels right
IF THE coronavirus has made you want to throw your sex life out the window, go ahead. If your partner has no interest in being amorous, let it go.
Forget about the myth of the post-virus baby boom — one doctor has suggested that when a threat is severe and prolonged, the birth rate actually tends to go down.
A pandemic is enough to be dealing with anyway, so if you want to take the opportunity to swing from the chandeliers in red lacy underwear, go right ahead.
But if you’re just getting through day by day, tolerating being a cook in the kitchen and a school teacher in the living room, it’s OK to draw the line at being a femme fatale in the bedroom.