Don’t stand for his bullying ways

STEPH SAYS::

FIRST, congratulations for having the courage to marry again after ten years of independent living. Learning to share your life with someone is hard under any circumstances, but after years of living on your own it can be doubly tricky.

I completely understand how irritated you must be by your husband’s attitude. His childish, petulant behaviour suggest he is not happy sharing you — even with your own grandchildren.

You have been married for two years now, which is time enough for him to grasp that your grandchildren are an important part of your life. It’s not as if you suddenly appeared with them; he knew they were part of the package when he married you.

He is clearly someone who enjoys peace and tranquillity, and you don’t get that when you have two children under ten charging around your house. However, his irritability and impatience are clearly pushing you away. And not just you.

I’m sure your daughter is perfectly well aware of his tricky character, as her children are going to go home with tales of grumpy, unwelcoming ‘new’ grandpa.

A visit to granny’s house should be a joy for children, but your new husband is selfishly ruining it. I can picture you frantically running around trying to keep them quiet, fearful they might upset him.

When wedding vows are taken, you vow to share every part of each other’s lives and that includes their entire family.

So here is what I suggest. Tell him honestly how you are feeling. Have specific examples to hand of times his behaviour has upset you or the children.

Be firm but gentle. He must feel you are a team together and that you really need his support in this.

I am encouraged that you say he is lovely in every other way — in which case he needs to extend that loveliness to your grandchildren as well, because right now he is just chipping away at a relationship that existed long before you met him.

I sense that you are a strong, independent woman and so — to steal a title from David Walliams — I think you need to turn ‘gangsta granny’ and ask him to stop being a miserable so-and-so, as he is hurting you and your family.

He has been lucky enough to find love with an amazing woman and, in the grand scheme of things, what is the occasional disrupted weekend or Sunday afternoon?

No one can come into a family unit and expect their life not to change. Nor should they actively set out to change the dynamic within it. He is displaying rather controlling behaviour and you’re not going to stand for that, are you?

So be strong. Tell him something has to change — and that something is his behaviour!