I knew as I clutched my firstborn child that I was losing my second...
Meghan reveals her July miscarriage heartache
MEGHAN Markle was praised last night for speaking openly about the ‘unbearable grief ’ of her miscarriage.
Meghan revealed with heartbreaking candour the pain she and Prince Harry went through.
She told how she was holding their one-year-old son Archie in her arms in July when she suffered a sharp pain and fell to the ground.
‘I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second,’ she wrote in The New York Times yesterday. She did not say how many weeks she was into her pregnancy.
Meghan said she decided to make her experience public after learning how common miscarriage was. In Ireland it is believed to affect more than one in four pregnancies.
Yet for many, Meghan says, it remains ‘taboo’, leaving some parents to feel they cannot publicly mourn their loss.
Her decision to speak out was praised by organisations which support parents through miscarriage as helping to break down the ‘stigma and shame’ still associated with it. The only other royal to have spoken publicly on the issue is Harry’s cousin Zara Tindall, daughter of Princess Anne, who suffered two miscarriages between the births of her daughters Mia and Lena.
Meghan, 38, suggested in her article, headlined The Losses We Share, that her miscarriage came out of the blue.
She described it as being on an ‘ordinary’ July morning, which saw her make breakfast for the family, feed the dogs and clear up after Archie, before picking him up out of his cot.
She wrote: ‘After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right.’
She told how she was taken to hospital where the loss of their baby was confirmed, leaving her – and Harry – in tears. ‘ Hours later, I lay in a hospital
‘I tried to imagine how we would heal’
bed, holding my husband’s hand. I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal,’ she said.
Meghan said she found some comfort in understanding she was not alone, writing: ‘Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few.
‘In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, ten to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage.
‘Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.’
She acknowledged that speaking out about the experience was not for everyone but hoped that her doing so may help others find a crumb of comfort.
‘Some have bravely shared their stories; they have opened the door,’ she said. ‘We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter – for all of us.’
Meghan referred to the interview she gave to ITV’s Tom Bradby in 2018 in which she said that ‘ not many people have asked if I’m OK’. She said: ‘Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realised that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?”’
Sources close to Meghan told the BBC she is in good health. Harry informed his family at the time, they said. The couple ‘took time to process’ what happened and, having come to appreciate how common miscarriage i s, wanted to talk about it publicly.
Buckingham Palace said it was a ‘deeply personal matter’ on which it would not comment, but a royal source said there was ‘understandable sadness in the family’ at what the couple had gone through.
Ruth Bender Atik, national director of the UK’s Miscarriage Association, said: ‘I think it is so absolutely generous of her. She doesn’t have to share this, some people like to keep it private. But she has chosen to talk about it.
‘Miscarriage is horribly common, and I use the word horribly because it is just that. Horrible. And because we don’t tend to talk about it, people don’t know how common it is.’
Dr Christine Ekechi, of the UKs Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said: ‘We welcome open discussion about miscarriage and encourage women to share their experiences, where they feel comfortable to do so.’
Sophie King, a midwife at the charity Tommy’s, said: ‘[Meghan’s] honesty and openness send a powerful message to anyone who loses a baby: this may feel incredibly lonely, but you are not alone.’