Utterly Gaga idea to offer a reward for pinched pooches

HOW horrible that Lady Gaga’s two French bulldogs have been dognapped by masked assailants who appallingly shot dog walker Ryan Fischer in the chest.

My heart goes out to the ‘devastated’ pop star, who has offered half a million dollars for the animals’ safe return, ‘no questions asked’. But I have a few questions. First: ‘Is Ryan OK?’

Also, as law enforcement experts have warned, isn’t there a risk that offering life-changing sums of money as a reward will only increase the likelihood of such crimes being committed?

Finally, we must ask the difficult question: as Gaga is one of the most famous women in the world, could posting pictures of her dogs on social media have caused them to become targets?

In Ireland and Britain, dog thefts have spiralled since the lockdowns. If huge ransoms are now to be demanded, what hope do ordinary folk have of being reunited with their pets?

After Tiger Woods’s catastrophic car crash this week, his family insist he will come back stronger. His dwindling fan base surely hopes so.

But as he lies in hospital, might this finally be the moment Tiger pauses to regret how he squandered his role as a husband and father with his recklessness, selfishness, his mistresses and his pain-prescription drugs?

His tragic tale reveals a simple truth. You can hit all the holes-inone you like — but if you keep chasing birdies, your life will end up below par.

In her search for eternal happiness, the thrice-married Ulrika Jonsson has joined dating app Tinder. As it happens, so has other singleton James Hewitt, former squeeze of Princess Diana. Two publicity-hungry love-lorns who have sold their stories to the highest bidder: surely it’s a match made in social-media heaven?

Simon Cowell says that after months of agony fearing he’d never walk again, he’s fitter than ever thanks to the love and care of long-term, long-suffering girlfriend Lauren Silverman, mother of their son Eric. Great news, but, surely he’s fit enough to finally walk down the aisle and marry her?

A bit late for actress Rosamund Pike, 42, to boohoo over her boobs being digitally enhanced in posters for her forgettable 2011 movie Johnny English Reborn.

‘My breasts were augmented,’ moans Oxford-educated Ros, adding that distributors made her out to look as if she had ‘a really impressive chest, which I do not’.

As a fan of Pike’s cascading bosom, right, in Jack Reacher, a hit movie released a year after her unwatchable comedy, I disagree. Perhaps what actresses in their 40s really fear is not their bosoms disappearing, but their careers.