All Mum remembers is that she loves me
As cases rise and surveys suggest we fear dementia more than any other illness, read how ANGELA RIPPON helped the Mail raise thousands for research...
TODAY we publish the final part of our landmark series marking Good Health’s 30th anniversary, featuring some of the most compelling stories from our archives. Here, we look at a condition that many now fear above any other: dementia. In this incredibly moving piece from 2008, TV presenter Angela Rippon revealed the devastating effect the disease had on her beloved mother while overleaf experts reveal their own steps to ward off the condition . . .
December 2, 2008
CHRISTMAS was always a special time for the Rippon family. Angela’s parents, Edna and John, would come to London, where the three of them would go to shows and eat out.
Last Christmas, Angela bought the presents her mother would give, helped her wrap them, wrote the cards and drove her round to deliver them. They spent the day itself with friends.
‘We had a happy day, but the next morning Mummy had no recollection of it,’ says Angela. ‘I recognised then that we had to live for, and in, the moment, and make each occasion as special as possible.’
Making every moment count is the message at the heart of the Alzheimer’s Society’s Christmas campaign, which Angela is fronting. ‘When I’m with her we talk, we look at photographs,’ she says. ‘I want to be sure she is happy for that time.’
By early this year, Edna had deteriorated so much that even constant care at home was not enough. ‘My mother was waking up early and wandering around trying to start her day at 4am,’ says Angela. ‘She was also getting distressed if she was left alone even while the carer had a shower or nipped out to the garden.’
Her weight dropped to under 8st, and staff at her day-care centre felt that she was struggling to cope there.
‘It was time my mother had round-the-clock, professional care in a home,’ says Angela.
‘I had known this was coming, but I still had to battle a tremendous amount of guilt. I had promised my mother she could stay at home. She had done so much for me, why couldn’t I do that for her? I had let her down.’
Knowing that this is a dilemma faced by thousands of people throughout the country did not make things any easier for Angela. ‘There comes a time when, as well as being loving and understanding, you have to be pragmatic,’ she says.
‘It was my responsibility to make sure that Mummy was in a place of safety. It was a tough decision and there will always be guilt: “Did I do the right thing?” ’
She leaves the sentence hanging. ‘I just have to make sure she knows she’s loved and that she hasn’t been abandoned.’
Angela was given a list of residential homes near her mother’s house. ‘I went for the ones with a high-star ratings and was amazed at how good they were,’ she says.
‘I had heard all the horror stories, but these were happy, clean, warm places with staff who knew how to deal with dementia and who clearly cared deeply for the dignity of the residents.’
In August this year, Edna finally went into a care home — she was even allowed to take her cat. The food is good. The staff are caring and Angela is full of praise for them, the team and the medics involved in her mother’s care.
Angela had particularly strong contact with Nellie Minima, who worked in the psychiatric service. ‘Nellie understood my fears and was fantastic at connecting with my mother,’ says Angela.
‘She was my lifeline. I don’t think I could have managed without her.’ Angela knows her mother is fortunate in the care she’s received, but believes everyone deserves the same.
‘My mother is safe and loved,’ she says. ‘That is not the experience of everyone who needs this kind of 24-hour care. Goodquality dementia care should not be a lottery.
‘Those who have dementia need a voice. By supporting the Daily Mail’s Christmas appeal for the Alzheimer’s Society, you will be ensuring that people with dementia are heard — and that the good-quality dementia care they deserve is widely available.
‘Dementia is the curse of the 21st century. We are an ageing population and this is going to touch all of us,’ she adds.
‘I miss the mother I used to have. I don’t have her 24 hours a day, but she is still there in flashes. I was talking to her this morning and she was muddled about time.
‘I told her: “It doesn’t matter. All you have to remember is that I love you very much.”
‘ “I know,” she said. “I won’t ever forget that.” ’