I’d love to play for this Villa team, my struggles there reduced me to tears
ASIGNIFICANT anniversary in my life is approaching. A week on Friday, October 15, it will be five years since I played my last game in professional football.
I was substituted in the 66th minute of a 1-1 draw for Aston Villa at home to Wolves after I’d had what could kindly be described as a ‘challenging’ afternoon, trying to keep Helder Costa quiet. I’d had a lot of issues with my knee all through my career, but little did I know the end was coming.
By the end of play that day, Villa were 20th in the Championship. We’d only won one of our opening 12 fixtures and were a point above the relegation zone. Six months earlier we had dropped out of the Premier League, being described by some as one of the worst teams to have played in the division.
When I signed for Villa, it felt like everything was coming together.
I was born in Birmingham and my dad always had a feeling that I’d play for them even when I was at Manchester City. Unfortunately — and this is something of an understatement — it turned out, football-wise, to be a disaster.
In the summer of 2015 when I arrived, there was a lot of bold talk but a lot of big players were sold.
Christian Benteke went to Liverpool, Fabian Delph went to City while Ron Vlaar went back to AZ Alkmaar. The spine of our team had disappeared and results suffered.
The biggest mistake, though, was sacking Tim Sherwood three months into the campaign. We’d been playing good football and felt things would turn around but Remi Garde came in and the rest is history. I’ll say it again. It was a disaster.
It should never have been that way. I think back to some of the players who were there and wonder how things ended up as they did. We had really good players bursting with potential — look at Jack Grealish and Idrissa Gueye, who faced each other in the Champions League this week.
There were others such as Jordan Amavi, who ended up at Marseille; Jordan Veretout has played for France and is now doing well under Jose Mourinho at Roma.
The talent was there, but it just didn’t knit together as everyone hoped it would.
I often get criticised by a section of Villa fans, who claim that I didn’t care about them when I was on the sidelines and all I was concerned about was getting paid. It’s absolute nonsense.
I’ve never really gone into detail about the two years I spent trying to get fit but I will now. It broke my heart not being able to show what I could. People see me as a bubbly character but I had to continually put on a front when I was at Bodymoor Heath, the club’s training ground, to mask the anguish I was feeling at not being able to contribute. There were nights I would be at home in tears, wondering when the misery I was enduring would ever turn. All I wanted to do was help. Villa is one of the great clubs, with a stadium and fanbase that many could only dream about. Thankfully, there were some good people around to provide support, notably the physio John Hartley and Dr Ricky Shamji. Both told me there was a life after football and how you can never tell what the future holds. They kept me going at times when I felt helpless. From my position on the sidelines — I spent three years trying to get back — I saw Villa experience wild ups and downs, the relentless fight to get the club back where it belonged. Losing the play-off final to Fulham in 2018 was an especially grim day because they had put so much into the campaign.
I was there, too, for the big change when Dean Smith arrived on October 10, 2018.
I hoped to convince him that I could play for him but he was very honest with me early on in his reign — he told me I wasn’t fit enough and, in possession, I was going to slow his team down.
Those aren’t words you want to hear but, in many ways, I respected the truth. Smith is a good manager who lifted Villa out of the Championship and the stylish team he has built is thriving after beating Manchester United at Old Trafford, a result their bold approach fully deserved.
Villa’s owners are ambitious and the way they conducted their business this summer after selling Jack for £100million shows how determined they are to make sustained progress. We have seen teams go backwards after cashing in on an exceptional talent but Villa have been smart.
So why shouldn’t they be the team who emerge from the pack to put pressure on the top four? I’m not saying they will break into it this season but why shouldn’t they make that their ambition? John McGinn has stepped up, Ezri Konsa looks like he could play for England with Ollie Watkins.
Smith is getting Villa rolling. If I had three wishes, one would be to play one game for him in peak physical condition. I watch Matty Cash (left, with Matt Targett) flying up the pitch now and think how I’d love to do that. The club are moving forward. They won’t take their eye off the ball.