My shock diagnosis of ADHD at age 37
It’s estimated that about 170,000 adults in Ireland are living with ADHD. Here, Natasha Duffy explains what a late age diagnosis with the condition feels like
Festival organiser and filmmaker Natasha Duffy got an ADHD diagnosis at 37, something which is becoming more and more common. Equal parts relief and sadness followed, as she finally realised she wasn’t “broken”. Since then she has learned all she can about being neurodivergent and has used the knowledge to help her create a better, more inclusive music festival in Meath this summer...
IALWAYS struggled. I could never concentrate in school, I never wanted to get up in the morning, homework in the evening felt like torture and the only two things I loved - playing in nature and watching movies - became less accessible as I went into my teens.
I felt things deeply so I would struggle with criticism, of which there can be a lot in life, especially when you don’t quite fit into the ideal student bracket.
My first big dream was that of being a filmmaker. I would fake a sickness during the week and my mother would bring me to Xtravision and I would rent five films at a time. The French films were my favourite. I would get wrapped up in the beauty of the cinematography and the romance of the stories.
The life that has followed is one where I have created festivals, theatre shows and films - I went back to college as a mature student to study film and theatre in TCD at 32. These projects gave me life and meaning and they would help me transform my difficulties into something else.
Then Covid happened and I had to stop. All work disappeared. Opportunities for gathering and creating were no more and I had to sit, like everyone else, within a 2km radius.
Most of my friends said, ‘How the hell are you going to do that, you’ll go mad!’ But in some ways Covid made me have to finally sit down, look at myself and actually deal with the struggles I have had since a young age.
My symptoms were quite vast; an inability to relax, an inability to sit still, overwhelmed by too much, underwhelmed by too little, a difficulty with concentrating and the usual but less severe symptom of always losing everything.
What followed was a deep dive exploration into what exactly was going on with me and what followed was an ADHD diagnosis at 37 years of age.
They say that receiving a diagnosis like this at a late age involves both relief and grief. Relief that you can finally understand why you are they way you are but grief that you lost years without help and support. I think the best thing about receiving the diagnosis is linking in with other people that are also neurodiverse.
There are so many online resources and when I first started linking in with them I really felt a sense of understanding and solidarity with other people who have similarly struggled.
Other occupational things that I have adopted are things like using a weighted blanket in bed and specific lighting that helps calm my system. I also now make sure that I take time to decompress away from people. It was learning about all these supports that helped us develop new areas at a festival I now run called Sofft
Nights.
Post- Covid I have returned to a creative career and I am working across a number of festivals, theatre shows, films and documentaries. However, I have a new sense of how I want to work and what I want from it.
I love a good, wild party as much as the next person but Sofft Nights is a weekend that sits comfortably between wholesome and chill, with activities like dance and yoga workshops, site specific theatre and storytelling, to then having a big night of incredible music acts.
For people like myself, who do like to take breathers at events and festivals, we have developed two new sensory areas. One is in a replica megalithic cairn where we will have specifically designed sensory soundtracks as well as meditation and chill out times.
We’ve also created a new ‘Hammock Time’ in a tiny part of the forest which will include a lighting trail - I think that will be pretty magical.
What’s cool is that the diagnosis has made me think about my art differently. I think it is something I instinctively did anyway when designing the grounds; I always felt a beautiful festival makes a happy festival but I guess that is all sensory really. This year I hope people leave feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and with very sore feet from dancing.
Receiving a diagnosis involves relief and grief
Sofft Nights returns to Dunderry Park, Meath on June 4-5, tickets from €35, book at https://secure. tickets.ie/Listing/Event Information/44085/sofft-nightsweekend-dunderry-park-4-June-2022