A farmyard FRIGHT Paradise is not Faro away
A taste of the Caribbean but just a short hop to Europe away, the Algarve capital offers a city break with charm and sunshine
I’M FACE to face with one of the most terrifying sights I can possibly imagine — a killer clown. Having been subjected to the film It when I was just seven, which engrained in me a lifelong fear of clowns, this is the pinnacle of horror for me..
This one is covered in blood, banging on the walls and screaming maniacally. Help!
Clown Town is just the first of five stops at Farmaphobia, the Halloween trail at Causey Farm. The clever, innovative minds at the Co Meath venue have turned their annual screamfest into a, well, cult event.
The circus terrors are joined by Zombie Morgue, Purge Night, Momma’s Murder Maze and Cult to make up gruesome fivesome of horrorfilled zones. The last time I was at Causey, it was for their ice-cream summer day out — this one is more of an I scream experience.
In fact, you can hear the blood-curdling shouts from the car park, echoing through the dark night and filling visitors with a sense of gory excitement before they even walk in.
You queue for each zone separately and, beware, creatures will approach you from all angles as you await your fate. There are chainsaw killers, swamp monsters, goat-faced ghouls and one of the tallest clowns I’ve ever seen, who help keep up the scream factor.
Once inside each venue, cramped, dark corridors take you through each theme. Sound and light are used to brilliant effect to increase the intensity and maximise the frights.
As we enter each one, we giddily scrabble to not be the first or the last of our group — you don’t want to give the superb actors the time and space to approach you from any side.
The best fun is in sacrificing your companions — one of mine bangs loudly on a door marked ‘Do not knock at any time’ then runs and leaves me to face the very angry clown who emerges from the other side.
The dark isolation of the farm lends itself so well to this event.
As I try to avoid the eerie deranged cult members as we run through the woods, it occurs to me that the last time I was here, I was surrounded by fairy doors and pretty lights.
The Netflix hit Stranger Things is heavily represented — so if you have fans of the show, this is a must-visit.
Demogorgons chase visitors around the farm, while the theme music echoes out across the fields.
The actors are also well up on the show. One of my teenage sidekicks is wearing a T-shirt with Hellfire Club printed on it, which causes the cult leader to denounce him and banish him as a follower of Eddie Munson.
If all of this horror is not your thing, you can still go along for free to supervise, especially if you have teenagers, who will absolutely love this — and god knows, they’re hard enough to keep entertained.
You only need a wristband to enter the zones themselves and you can soak up the disco atmosphere created around the fire pit by DJ Spooks, who rains ‘money’ on the crowd who jostle to pick it up. The sheetclad spinner is even signing autographs by the end of his set.
As the birthplace of Halloween, it’s only right that Co
Meath should be home to this brilliantly terrifying offering, and it’s well worth checking out the multitude of events that are happening in the Boyne Valley to celebrate.
From pumpkin carving to ghost stories and spooky nights to a forest of doom, the entire county is bursting with ghoulish goings-on.
TRAVEL FACTS
TICKETS to Farmaphobia cost from €32 and it is open until Wednesday. Visit farmaphobia. com. Visit spiritsofmeath.ie for details of all other events, including Killmount 2: Murder on the Mound, Spooky Nights in the Museum, Puca Festival, Tayto Park After Dark, Sorcas Na Samhna and Sunday Samhain Lunch at Slane Castle.
Jaoquin picks up a shell with a perfectly drilled hole through its centre and hands it to me. He informs me this is how the clam who used to live peacefully within met his gruesome end.
A squid was the culprit, who came along and decided to eat him for dinner. I’m enjoying the anecdotal tale as I wander along this deserted island swaddled in the basking sun. It feels like an exotic beach break but I’m actually on a three-day city break to Faro. This city is the capital of the Algarve region in southern Portugal and one of the few European destinations that offers 300 days of sunshine year-round.
I’ve been taken to a deserted island by boat from the city centre as it’s the only way to get here. Having Jaoquin as my guide means I’m learning about the local wildlife and nature along the way.
He’s a mine of information as we travel by rib through the wetlands of the Ria Formasa. One third of the city of Faro is immersed in the green and turquoise waters of the Atlantic that make up this patchwork of vegetation and islands. Few places in Europe retain that unique feeling of isolation that the islands of the Ria Formosa offer. Culatra and Farol Island are occupied by settled communities but the single permanent inhabitant on Ilha Deserta is a fisherman who has lived in a shack for decades.
The only other structure is the wonderful Estaminé restaurant (ilhadeserta.com), which opens during the day up to 5pm, but booking is essential and for very good reason. Not only does it serve the best of local and traditional seafood cuisine, the kitchen is powered by sustainable solar energy. The building is designed to harmoniously blend with the natural landscape and the windows open directly to views of the beach. Faro is a university city of 65,000 and a perfect size to suit couples, friends or solo visitors. It also means the convenience of a short transfer as it is on the flight path to the airport — incidentally, for that reason the city has ordered a curfew on landing after 12pm at night, ensuring a good night’s sleep for its residents.
The rooftop pools and bars make a dream setting for aeronautical fans who like to plane watch.
I stopped by the Hotel Faro for a spot of lunch. This city centre hotel overlooks the marina and Ria Formosa, enjoying some of the best views at the city’s heart.
In the line of vision is the Eva Senses Hotel, which is over 50 years old but has been fully refurbished to modern standards.
On my arrival the day before, I was transported here in less than ten minutes by car from the airport. The Eva Senses has a fabulously placed rooftop pool and bar which comes alive in the evenings. Breakfast is a special treat too as a live pianist serenaded me while I gathered my fruit and pastries from the buffet bar. Spacious and comfortable rooms make this hotel ideal for a city break and it’s in a super location.
I found a novel way to spend the afternoon with a cookery class in the charming restaurant Tertuila, at the heart of the old town. There I learned how to make cataplana, a traditional fish stew, under the expert tuition of Alessandra.
As chef, she allocated each of us in the class with a task. I was left chopping the cilantro while the others sliced the red onions and peppers. The razor fish and clams were still alive, which I found unnerving at first, but in this region fish is on almost every menu and why wouldn’t it be with local fishermen setting out to find their catch each morning.
The great treat at the end was we got to dine under the autumn sunshine with a glass of cold rosé and sample the result of our labour.
There are few better ways to get your bearings on a city break than with a walking tour. Luis was our guide and it was surprisingly balmy with a gentle breeze that whispered over the Ria Formosa before winding through the cobbled streets. Cafes fill every corner of the old town with beers from €3 for a pint.
Even at the trendy cocktail bar Columbus, a beer won’t reach Temple Bar prices.
Luis took us on a stroll through the Bishop’s Palace, where the walls are lined with the regal gold colours of the papacy mixed with traditional blue tiles.
Vestments and religious relics of martyrs and saints fill the display cases.
The obsession with body parts is continued at the Chapel of Bones, where the skulls of monks form part of the walls, symbolising the transitory nature of our mortal bodies.
Not for the faint-hearted, a stroll through the cathedral is a must for the views alone. This baroque-roofed building gives a wonderfully panoramic vista of the city old and new and is well worth a visit.
The story of Faro unravels at Faro Story Spot (faro storyspot.pt), an interactive museum that tells the history and culture of the city’s progression through the
centuries. With clever digital graphics, the wildlife and flora of the region is explained and clever cartoons simplify the information, making it suitable for children too.
At first, Faro was home to the Phoenicians and Greeks before the Romans dabbled with the coast.
The golden age of the Moors was a highlight in the city’s story and during this time of enlightenment the Harun family ruled the city, giving Faro its name.
The legacy of the important Moorish time is still visible in parts of the old town, with an original arch embedded in the gateway of the Arco da Vila. Here is the best place to catch the little train that runs through the city but take the time to look up at the enormous storks’ nests that cling to the rooftops. Depending on the time of year you can see the storks feed their young.
On the topic of food, we were spoilt for choice with delicious eateries all along the Avenida da Republica.
The evenings see this street turn into a hub of delicious restaurants — some quite unique with their offerings.
Escama (@escama.faro on Instagram) is a relatively new concept of picking not only the fresh fish from the counter as you’d find in a fishmongers but with the choice of several different ways of preparing it. I went for the sardines but the fresh tuna, bass and shellfish looked equally enticing. Value for money is another benefit of travelling to Faro as it is considerably cheaper than resorts such as Vilamoura further along the coast.
The Municipal Museum of Faro is situated in the cloisters of a monastery and is not to be missed.
Nestled next to the cathedral in the old town, some of the finest remains from the Roman period of the city are displayed here.
Entry is only €2 and a tour takes about an hour.
3HB is Faro’s only five-star hotel and offers a new standard in accommodation. The infinity rooftop pool, with spectacular views over the terracotta roofs towards the marina, is a great spot to watch the sunset and open only to guests.
The flavours of the local cuisine are blended with a modern twist in the rooftop restaurant Habit and presentation is on par with the best city restaurants in Europe.
Rooms are digitally programmed with touch commands and have every modern convenience.
You will feel as if you’ve landed in the next millennium yet with all the comforts of home.
Faro has a plethora of pretty white-cobbled streets perfect for browsing the many shops, which stay open until late.
For a winter city break laced with charm and sunshine, there’s nowhere quite like it.