Raquel could make even cheese look blue

HEARING of the death of Raquel Welch, pictured, I recalled a friend’s experience sitting next to her in first class on a flight 20 years ago.

Even walking to the loo, she exuded sexuality as if she was on the red carpet.

Then, finishing her meal, she wrapped those famous lips around a long stick of cheese and ate it so slowly he wished he’d packed his smelling salts.

JOANNA Lumley says her chain-smoking, Champagne-swilling, cocaine-snorting alter ego Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous would never be commissioned today. The woke brigade would cancel her in a heartbeat, especially for her emotional abuse of Eddie’s snowflake daughter Saffy. Even one of Patsy’s most famous quotes – ‘The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic’ – would have to carry a health warning about abuse of insects.

RIHANNA is ridiculed for having two stylists prepare her son for a Vogue cover shoot when he’s wearing only a nappy. It’s refreshing that a star allows their child’s face to be pictured at all – but how silly that she refuses to reveal his name.

THE most heart-warming moment at Vivienne Westwood’s memorial service came courtesy of her friend Helena Bonham Carter, who was wearing one of her creations and said: ‘This dress does all the work for you. All the other actresses on the red carpet haven’t eaten for weeks. I’ve had a full-fat English breakfast. Boobs up, longer legs – instant engineering but with no lipo.’

A close second at the nonreligious service was when Vivienne’s friend Nick Cave sat at a grand piano and sang his hit Into My Arms, a song that’s as beautiful as any hymn.

GOOD news for men: their penises have grown in the past 30 years from an average of 4.8in to 6in today. Even better for them is that scientists say it’s down to sedentary lifestyles and junk food. So we women should stop grumbling the next time he orders extra cheese with his pizza delivery while watching football on television.

GRAFFITI artist Banksy’s latest installation, ‘Valentine’s Day Mascara’, of a 1950s woman in an apron with a black eye and missing teeth chucking a man into a freezer is to be preserved in a gallery. It’s a powerful message to shame violent men, but on Valentine’s Day? Can’t we just occasionally celebrate the fact that most blokes are good guys with big hearts who simply want to make us women happy?