We edit our children’s pictures — so why can’t Kate?
SEDA PIR looks adoringly at the photo of her threeyear-old daughter, Ella, on her smartphone. People often say they are like two peas in a pod, and there’s nothing she would change about her precious girl. Except, that is, for her runny nose, stained top and ruddy cheeks.
But with just a few clicks of some editing software, all of those imperfections are gone and the image is ready to be posted on social media.
‘It’s so hard to get a nice picture, as children are so active and can’t stay still,’ explains Seda, 39. ‘Rather than intervening in the moment when she’s enjoying herself, by wiping her nose or changing her top, it’s just as easy to digitally erase them afterwards. I think every mother does it.’
Indeed, when Kate Middleton was criticised last week for editing a Mother’s Day photo she had shared on Instagram, the Irish Daily Mail was inundated with letters from furious mums defending her.
Last year, a study by the Journal of Media Psychology discovered that 64 per cent of us edit our images before posting them online. Another survey found that, of all the pictures women share, family photographs are those they are most likely to edit.
While removing stains from clothing seems harmless enough, adjusting the child’s face or body may be deemed less acceptable. Some argue that perfecting images of children may lead them to grow up believing their natural appearance is not good enough, triggering feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
So what inspires a mum to alter her family snaps?
Seda, a full-time mum, used to earn a living as a fashion influencer, so admits it’s second nature to tweak images. She has more than 10,000 photos of herself and her daughter on her phone, and even before taking one she will set up the shot to be as flattering as possible.
‘My favourite hacks include using a ring light [a circular bright white bulb]. It gets rid of my wrinkles and any skin blotches on Ella’s complexion.
‘To tidy up the image afterwards, FaceTune is my go-to tool. It usually only takes two or three minutes, so why not?
‘When I look back at the photos, I want to remember how cute and happy she was, rather than my focus being drawn to any niggling flaws.’
But would she continue to edit images of Ella as she grows old enough to understand what her mum is doing?
‘When Ella is old enough to make her own decisions, I will probably still edit family pictures, but I would check with her,’ she says. ‘There will always be imperfections or issues that I don’t want to be the focus of the picture.’
But while some may frown on her actions, Seda knows that if she doesn’t edit photographs for social media she runs the risk of criticism anyway.
‘I have had unkind comments. One mum asked me why Ella has got “droopy eyes”, and another wanted to know why I had posted a picture with stains on Ella’s clothes. Obviously I block these people, but such unkindness does get under your skin.
‘I’d never go so far as changing my daughter’s actual features. But I do find myself getting tied up in knots, worried that if I put up a picture of Ella with a runny nose, will I then get told I’m a bad mother for not having used a hankie before taking the picture?’
It’s why Seda has every sympathy for Kate, given we now know her reasons for the picture edit.
‘If I feel like I’m being judged
and put under the microscope, how on earth must Kate feel when the eyes of the world are on her and her children?
‘She’s just a mum like the rest of us, with three children who must never stay still. Their clothes will never be perfect and neither will hers. It’s no wonder she wanted to tweak the images here and there. As long as they aren’t completely different then a bit of editing in this day and age is absolutely fine.
‘All of us mums do it, so why on earth can’t Kate?’
ANOTHER mum in firm support of Kate is support worker Sadie McGrath. The 34-year-old mother of four, who lives with her 15-year-old daughter, 12-year-old son, and younger daughters, Sofia, four, and Iona, two, started digitally tweaking images two years ago.
‘When I had Iona, I became a rep for a company that makes environmentally friendly cloth nappies. I started posting images of her wearing them on Instagram, and would get a discount if my photos led to sales. Naturally, I wanted my shots to be the best they could be, so I started looking at what other mums were doing online. Soon I began to experiment by using editing tools.
‘On my phone I have a multitude of apps, including Lightroom and Photoroom. The basic packages are free and are all I need for the type of editing I do.
‘I soon found I enjoyed the process of photoshopping the children’s pictures to make them look more pleasing.
‘My favourite thing is taking a photo of my girls at home, then editing each shot to make it look as if they’re somewhere far more exciting or glamorous.
‘Why have a boring picture of Sofia on the stairs, or Iona in our lounge on a dreary old day, when they could be in an aspirational luxury kitchen with the sun streaming in, or perched beside a sumptuous Christmas tree? I suppose most people will assume I’ve taken the pictures in my own home. I don’t think they’d get envious about the swanky kitchen background — but you never know.’
It’s a process that can be done in just 20 minutes.
‘Family and friends post pictures on Facebook with messy backgrounds and their kids captured just as they are, and I’m the last person to judge anyone. But you simply have to have eyecatching images on Instagram — there is no room for a pile of washing in the background, no matter how much that’s the reality for most of us mums.’
It’s not just the background that gets a touch of glossy sheen, though. Sadie’s children get a glow-up, too.
‘Sofia has eczema, and that’s why I’ll digitally erase it from her skin, or if there is a splodge of food on her top then I’ll whip it off. I’ve also given my older daughter a smile and made myself appear slimmer. The girls enjoy being photographed. Sofia understands I manipulate the images, and she’ll say “wow” when I show her what I’ve done.
‘And the comments I get are intoxicating, such as “beautiful photographs” and “she’s adorable”. As indulgent as it sounds, such lovely compliments make it all worthwhile.’
It explains why Sadie, who has almost 28,000 images on her phone, goes to such lengths to capture the perfect photo.
‘If we’re at home, I tend to take snaps when the children are reading. If we’re out, then we’ll go to a local park. I’m forever checking the weather! Spring is ideal, with the long grass, trees and flowers in bloom — it means I don’t have to edit the background.
‘My sister asks me to capture photos of her children and if I can tweak images for her, too.’
As for Sadie’s older children, she admits they ‘are harder to take photographs of now — they don’t really want their photo taken’. But that doesn’t stop her altering ‘the light or colour on images of them, too’.
This makes perfect sense to Agatha Wrzesinska, 34, a stay-athome mum who lives with her four children, Nico, 13, David, ten, Mia, two, and five-month-old Leo.
She has been interested in photography since she was in her early 20s, and mainly uses a second-hand Canon RP camera, which cost her €800 (a €400 Canon PowerShot G12 is Kate’s camera of choice).
‘Like the Princess of Wales, in my spare time I enjoy capturing those precious moments of family life. So many experiences are blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, and our memories can only hold so much.
‘I love to play with colours and make my photos as appealing as possible. To me, it’s an outlet for creative expression.
ON A more practical level, I can remove any unwanted distractions from photos — everything from red eyes to unsightly objects in the background.
‘People don’t tend to notice; we’re all so used to doctored images that it is very much the norm today. It’s been going on for decades in advertising — why shouldn’t us mums do it too?
‘I use Lightroom to smooth out any discoloured patches of skin on my children’s faces. Leo has eczema and I tend to simply remove it. I want my children to look their very best.
‘There is no need for me to defend my actions. I’m just removing dry skin on my child’s face or tidying up the background. It’s hardly a criminal offence, is it?’
As for the question of posting a picture online that hasn’t been digitally enhanced in some way, it’s a firm ‘no’ from Agatha.
‘It’s so rare to capture an image that can’t be improved on,’ she says. ‘At a push, I’d say 99 per cent of my pictures of my family have been digitally manipulated in some way.
‘Can you blame us mums for sprinkling a little bit of digital fairy dust on our loved ones?
‘If it makes the images better, you’d be mad not to.’