SHE WANTS PARIS NOT MY HOUSE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for six months and things have been going really well – to the point where I was about to ask her if she wanted to move into my place, so we could have a go at living together.

The evening I was about to suggest this, she told me her work had offered her a six-month assignment to Paris. She was very excited about it and didn’t even stop to think what it would mean for us. Our relationship wasn’t part of the conversation. We ended up having a bit of an argument over it and things have been a bit tense since.

Is it wrong to have expected her to discuss it with me first? It feels as though the past six months have meant nothing to her.

Coleen says

She was probably just so excited about the opportunity and didn’t stop to think about how she was coming across.

Look, it’s only six months, which is not a long time, and it’s Paris not Australia. You could have some lovely romantic weekends together discovering another city.

If you’re meant to be together you will be and I don’t think six months will make a difference.

I understand you feeling hurt, though, especially as you were about to ask her to move in and were looking forward to spending more time with her, not less.

Why not tell her you’re happy for her as it’s a great opportunity and that you can make your relationship work long distance for a while. Tell her you were hurt because you love her and felt like she hadn’t considered you.

I’m sure once she’s thought about it, she’ll understand. But you shouldn’t try to make her choose between you and the job – she’ll end up resenting you for it.