I LOVE HIM, BUT HE’S A DRUG ADDICT

Dear Coleen

My husband is addicted to alcohol and cocaine, which recently got out of control and we separated because of it. I’m pretty sure he’s also cheated on me and badmouthed me to mutual friends. He never once picked up the phone to contact his daughter but basically went crazy!

Now I’m about to put the wheels in motion to make the separation legal, but I’m questioning whether I should give my husband one last chance. I’m pretty sure my family will disown me if I do, though.

I very much love this man, even after everything he’s put me through and I would like to be the one to help him fight his issues, but I risk losing my family over it.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place – please help.

Coleen says

First of all, try to see things from your parents’ point of view – they don’t love him, they love you and want what’s best for you.

My worry is that you think you can help him to quit drugs and alcohol – you can’t. And any doctor or addiction counsellor will tell you the same thing. It’s down to him to help himself and, until he does, I wouldn’t recommend that you welcome him back.

He has to prove that he wants you enough to sort his life out and there’s a chance that some tough love from your side will be a wake-up call. If it’s not, then as much as you know it’s going to hurt, you’ll know you’ve made the right decision in ending the marriage.

I’d recommend getting in touch with Al Anon – which runs family groups across the country providing support to anyone who’s been affected by someone else’s drinking. To find a local group, visit al-anon-ireland.org or call the helpline on 01 878 3624.